Dear Diary and Friends,

Hopelessness and despair have overwhelmed me for 3 days. The anger inside of me is huge. It seems as if everything is meaningless. Everything I’ve strived for is pointless really. Being positive and compassionate and peaceful…taking care of my body, eating healthy….it’s all meaningless. We all die, we all enter the greater consciousness after death. What is the point of growth and awakening? I’m tired and I just want to be, even if it means that I feel angry and bitter and fat and unhealthy, just let me be.

Thank you for anger.

Thank you for despair.

Thank you for writing.

With despair,



Published byCrazybananalady

I am a transformational coach. I help people find the truth inside of themselves to live a peaceful and content life.


  • Amy

    April 17, 2018 at 10:24 am Reply

    So sorry that you feel this way Victoria. However, if you have Jesus in your life, you can be the best person you can possibly be, which are you are doing now! And you can pray and you will have heaven in the end.

    • Crazybananalady

      April 17, 2018 at 3:06 pm Reply

      Thank you

      • Linda Hudson

        April 17, 2018 at 8:43 pm Reply

        Thank God, we are not our thoughts, lol!♡♡♡ it’s the new moon and solar energies are coming in very strong right now so KNOW your heart, all is well, allowing everything to pass through you with grace and gratitude ♡ Truly, this is a gift as old beliefs are coming up to be released or repeated, we choose. As our highest light Being, there is no karma and every choice is leading us to our highest good. You can do no wrong Beloved!♡ Today, when I let go of anything I am holding onto- it transforms into higher wisdom that changes my life in such positive, miraculous ways!♡

        • Crazybananalady

          April 18, 2018 at 8:42 am Reply

          Yes! We are not our thoughts. There is another big shift happening in my consciousness. I’m feeling that this is resistance to that shift…but who knows! Lol
          Thank you so much for your comment and thoughtful input.

  • Diego Mejia-Cordova

    April 17, 2018 at 12:13 pm Reply

    Victoria Everett,

    I’m sorry you are feeling despair. Sometimes when things feel dark I take more time to sit with my feeling and care for myself. Here is a quote for us: “You must accept what isn’t, so that you can move forward with what is.” I felt sad for no reason two days ago, maybe I am empathizing with you.

    Wishing the best,


  • Sharon

    April 17, 2018 at 3:54 pm Reply

    Could it be that you are feeling this way because you are detoxing all of the emotions that is deeply embedded in us all. You also mentioned awakening,is this the Kundalini awakening ? Every one is entitled to having a bad day or two.

    • Crazybananalady

      April 18, 2018 at 8:44 am Reply

      Yes! This could definitely be that! Thank you.

  • Joan

    April 17, 2018 at 5:14 pm Reply

    So sorry sweet lady! …an old saying for sure but here it is. This too shall pass. Sometimes when we feel this way it’s a comfort to know that God has another day planned for us. I’ve given into the blues lately. I feel that I’d like to just sit and let the world pass by….but I know this will pass. Sending you love! Thanks for being real and sharing your feelings.

    • Crazybananalady

      April 18, 2018 at 8:43 am Reply

      Thank you . Yes, this will pass for both of us. ❤️❤️

  • Cathy Galeotti

    April 17, 2018 at 11:37 pm Reply

    Sending Love and prayers tonight my friend,
    Your overdoing it,get some rest,pray,
    Get some epsom salts and soak nightly
    In 2 cups, for 30 minutes,
    Get away from stressful situations and people
    That are toxic.

  • Kimberly

    April 18, 2018 at 1:11 am Reply

    Oh, have I felt this …. it will pass … deep breathing…

    • Crazybananalady

      April 18, 2018 at 8:38 am Reply

      Thank you . It will pass indeed.

  • Karen Kruis

    April 18, 2018 at 10:45 am Reply

    I thank you so much for sharing the ups and downs in your life. You help me to know that it is alright to feel all those emotions. Hope you are headed back up soon.

    • Crazybananalady

      April 18, 2018 at 12:42 pm Reply

      Thank you . I am feeling like I’m getting back to my usual peaceful place.

  • Alycia Gailey

    April 18, 2018 at 7:55 pm Reply

    Read Ecclesiastes of the Bible. It talks about exactly that.

    • Crazybananalady

      April 18, 2018 at 8:23 pm Reply

      Yes! I spent a few years in my 20’s studying Ecclesiastes. I know how he felt!

  • Thomas Coffield

    April 19, 2018 at 12:12 am Reply

    Oh, how we fear the refiner’s fire sometimes! Purity and holiness must come at a price. Glad to see how you are quick to embrace even this with thanksgiving. Surrendering even this to our risen savior. I’m grateful to have a friend like you. Rich with wisom and insight. I trust that God is doing a mighty work in you at this time. Didn’t we pray for just that?

    • Crazybananalady

      April 19, 2018 at 6:43 am Reply

      Thank you Thomas. This is clearly God at work. Deep deep healing.

  • Janice Friesen

    April 20, 2018 at 8:04 am Reply


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