I’m Getting Stronger

Dear Friends,

I am delighted to say that I got a whole lot of work done at the greenhouse today. I was strong and didn’t feel weak. I kept it to 4 hours of hard labor, so I wouldn’t overdue it.

Then I came home and over 3 hours I had a 64oz. papaya, strawberry, banana lettuce and coconut water smoothie. Then later, few handfuls of almonds and later a big bunch of guacamole. It was a high fat day but I’m not feeling sluggish. I was hungry!

I appreciate strength.

I appreciate rest.

I appreciate strawberries.

I appreciate faith.

I appreciate coconut probiotic.

I appreciate fresh picked tomatoes.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

I appreciate you!

Tiredly yours,

Victoria

 

The Strawberry Adventure

Dear Friends,

Today while bicycling home from a extremely fun cleaning job, I stopped in at the local grocery store. It is a little store and usually doesn’t have much in the way of produce. Sometime though, they have good sales. Today I hit the jackpot…pints of strawberries for 99 cents.

I rode home to relieve Savana of her babysitting duties. She was going to pick up her cat who just got spayed as soon as I got home. I asked if she could drop Angel and I off at the grocery store on her way and pick us up coming back. She agreed in her teenage-ish way of sighing a lot. Great!

Savana dropped us off and I happily strolled into the grocery with an empty cart (except for Angel in the seat, of course). I went directly to the strawberries and started filling my cart. I decided to leave a few for other people but my heart wasn’t truly in it, so I left 5 pints. I joyfully strolled up to the cash register, giggling to myself about the treasure I had in my cart.  I found the pot of gold and gold means an abundance of strawberries.

I hand the cashier one of the packages of strawberries and say, “I have 16 of these”. The cashier says, “they are limited to 3 per person”. It took a second to register, then I started laughing. “Of course!”, I say still laughing. The cashier starts to explain why there is a limit. I am absolutely delighted about this whole experience at the moment. I tell her “I understand and it is because of people doing what I’m doing. I will buy 3 of these strawberries please”. She tells me that a lady had come in earlier and tried to do the same thing. I think to myself, “well, thankfully they didn’t let her take all the strawberries, because then I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to try and take them all myself”. Lol. The cashier tells me she can put all the other containers of strawberries in my cart back. I tell her, that it is ok. I would enjoy doing it.

I’m singing to myself as I neatly put the strawberries back on the shelf. “I guess I’m meant to leave more than 5 containers”, I say to Angel and we laugh about it. We wait outside and enjoy the fresh air while waiting for Savana to pick us up. After a few minutes she drives up and I tell her the strawberry story on the way home.

When I arrive at home it dawned on me that I still wanted to get my hands on more of those strawberries. I needed to get some help. I called my friend Ali and started to explain the strawberry situation and 3 container limitation per person. Before I even finished she said she would go get 3 containers and bring them by later. Yes!!

Then I realized that Savana and her boyfriend Tyler could help out with this situation. I asked Savana if she could drive me to music club later and buy strawberries on the way. She sighed her agreement. Then later she came out of her room and asked if I could drive myself to music club. I started to protest because of the strawberries! She quickly interrupted and said her and Tyler could go later in his car and they could both get strawberries. Bingo! Yes, of course, I’ll drive myself to music club.

Then I gratefully sat down and ate a pint of strawberries. I love the color red.

I appreciate challenges.

I appreciate bicycling.

I appreciate opportunities.

I appreciate strawberries.

I appreciate mocking birds.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

I appreciate you!

Happily yours,

Victoria

p.s. Breakfast: 64 0z tomatoes cucumber celery juice.

Lunch: 64 oz. mango, fresh oj and a little bit of tomato cucumber celery juice. ( I ran out of oj but it turned out delicious)

snack: a pint of strawberries and one strawberry kombucha.

Dinner: hasn’t happened yet but I’m guessing fruit from the fruit salad I am taking to music club.

Update! : my friend Ali just showed up with 9 pints! lol I said, “how did you do that”? She said, “I bought 3, my daughter bought 3 and my co-works bought 3. Yes! Ali is so much fun!

 

Pictures of our day and appreciations

Dear Friends,

This the neighbors horse. Her name is Rain. She loves apples.

This is me being silly.

A huge snake I almost stepped on.

Angel loves to swing!! It’s her favorite thing.

Ripe mulberry. We enjoyed eating all we could find at our favorite swimming spot.

I’m enjoying getting sun on my full body! Yay!!

I appreciate sunshine.

I appreciate rivers.

I appreciate mulberries.

I appreciate grace.

I appreciate swings.

I appreciate horses.

I appreciate fresh tomato, celery, cucumber juice.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

I appreciate you!

Dreamily yours,

Victoria

 

 

Random Thoughts about Thoughts and such

Dear Friends,

Random thoughts:

I started doing coffee enema’s. I’ll let you know how that goes. This morning was my first morning and all is well so far.

A friend sent a YouTube video to watch. So I listened to it on the way home. Then I listened to Eckhart Tolle and he said the same thing. “Our struggles are what make us conscious.” Something like that. I’m a little resistant to it. Hmmm… Must be a fear.

Went to a fruitluck today. I enjoyed meeting some new people. I loved them.

Thoughts are fascinating, they go away…but to where? Then when we need them, they suddenly come back…but back from where? So interesting!

Ok…coffee enema experiments is over. It doesn’t vibrate with me.

The Holy Spirit is our will and we always want to do our will. Our will is to live free and we can only live free when we no longer have fear.

Angel Baby is so tired. She fell asleep while nursing. She is saying a lot of words now. Oh and she threw a really big 2 year old tantrum when we went to take shower. Screaming and flopping around, she still wanted to play and mostly because she was so tired.

I appreciate meeting new people at a fruitluck.

I appreciate swings.

I appreciate deep breaths.

I appreciate my body.

I appreciate living life.

i appreciate yummy durian.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

I appreciate you!

Peacefully yours,

Victoria

 

Random Thoughts on Grief and Change.

Dear Friends,

Random thoughts:

Last night I felt the grief I’d been feeling from my friends death leave me. I became peaceful in knowing that everything is as it is supposed to be. I also realized that her death had nothing to do with me. My ego wanted to wallow longer in feeding the pain and loss.  I was able to see that and called the ego out. I realized that I am still whole and complete without my friend being alive. I do not need to suffer in order to prove my love for her. I don’t need to understand anything. I don’t need to understand why her son no longer has a mother. I don’t need to understand why she did not live to give birth to her unborn child. I do not need to understand why her boyfriend lost his dearly beloved and unborn child. All I need to do it be ok with what is without answers.

One of the fears that surfaced during grieving was the fear of change. When someone we love dies, we have a space left open that we held for them. We resist not having that person alive to fill “their” space. When really we are all one and no one ever leaves us because they are us.

There is a shift, a change that happens. We are reminded that we and all the other people we love are going to leave our bodies. Our bodies are mortal but our bodies are not who we are. We are immortal. Death is not an end, it is a change. A change for the people that die and a change for those still in their bodies. Change is inevitable and is only frightening when it is resisted. When we release resistance to change, any change, then we release suffering. When we stop resisting, we flow with ease and live effortlessly and we die effortlessly.

I am grateful for random thoughts.

I appreciate rain.

I appreciate clothes on the line.

I appreciate smiles.

I appreciate bananas.

I appreciate faith.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

I appreciate you!

Thankfully yours,

Victoria

p.s. Breakfast: 16oz. Cucumber, apple, celery juice. 16oz. watermelon juice.

Snack: coconut probiotic.

Lunch: 64oz banana, strawberry and coconut water smoothie.

Snack: 32 oz. fresh pineapple juice blended with mango and banana.

Dinner: salad with lettuce, arugula, broccoli, beats, flax seeds, blueberries and a sprouted chia seed dressing (from juiceland)

Today’s Walk

Dear Friends,

Today Angel and I went on an afternoon walk.

This is the view walking up the hill from our home.

These are wild flowers that are all over this time of year.

The bush in front of this house has a beautiful purple flowers. 

There was an event going on at a park we walked past. Angel took a ride in the kiddie train.


Beautiful plants in front of the old cemetery. I think they are canons.

We got caught in a big rain storm but I didn’t get pictures. I made sure to keep my phone dry. I tried hiding from the rain under a nearby tree but it didn’t help much..we got soaked and it was a blast.

I appreciate rain.

I appreciate walks.

I appreciate mandarins.

I appreciate greenhouses.

I appreciate lungs.

I appreciate almonds.

Thank you for being a part of our life.

I appreciate you!

Content and happy,

Victoria

Fear of Grief

Dear Friends,

A friend of mine died in a tragic scooter accident a couple of days ago. We were not close but had messaged each other a few times because our lives paralleled in many ways. Even though we were not close, I have been deeply grieving her death. She was 6 months pregnant and had a 5 year old son. I was so excited about her pregnancy, she was 41 and I had Angel when I was 42. She practiced attachment parenting and still breast fed her 5 year old son. My heart breaks for that little boy, they were so close.

All day yesterday I felt sick to my stomach. I kept telling myself that it wasn’t grief and that I was accepting of what is. I told myself this happened because it was supposed to happen and that we all die when we are meant to. Telling myself all that was not making me feel any better.

Finally this morning I realized that it was ok for me to feel sad and grieve. That grief was part of getting to the place of acceptance and I couldn’t just skip over it and joyfully carry on. So I gave myself permission to grieve. The tears have been flowing off and on all day. Through this allowing, some of my fears have surfaced. I went deep with the fears. I came to understand that I do not fear death as much as I fear grief. Just the thought of processing the death of one of my children is terrifying. The grief would be overwhelming and I never want to experience that.

Then I pull myself out of “what if” thoughts because they only cause me unnecessary suffering. I get back into the moment. My children are alive as I write this. My friend is dead. I will continue to practice the process of grieving her no longer being here on earth in human form. I’ve noticed when I let my grief flow without resistance that it is not painful. It feels rich and healing and I feel incredibly alive. When I hold the grief in and resist it, it hurts and physically makes me feel sick.

I am grateful for this opportunity to grieve. I know it won’t be my last opportunity since we all die and truly we all die when we are meant to, even if it doesn’t seem that way. We can’t see the big picture and God doesn’t make mistakes.

I appreciate grief.

I appreciate life.

I appreciate laughter.

I appreciate breath.

I appreciate beating hearts.

I appreciate death.

Thank you for reading my blog and appreciations.

I appreciate you!

Sadly yours,

Victoria

p.s. Breakfast: 16 oz cucumber, celery, apple juice. 16oz  watermelon juice.

2nd breakfast: 6 altaulfo mangos.

Lunch: 4 banana nice cream.

Snack: a handful of almonds and coconut probiotic.

Dinner: salad with lettuce, avocado and strawberries.