Last Day in Kauai

So my last day in Kauai was very blissful.

I went to bed around midnight and woke up at 7a.m. I felt really good. It looked like the day was going to be sunny and I was very happy about that.
I did some things on the computer for a while, then lied down for a while to get a little more sleep before Savana woke up. I couldn’t really sleep, so I just relaxed.
Around 10 a.m. Savana got up. I did some laundry and packed. I squeezed my 64 oz. of tangelo juice and bottled it up.
Janie got out her cotton that she had picked and taught Savana and I how to spin yarn. First we learned how to spin by hand and then she showed us on her treadle spinner. It was hard to do and I couldn’t do it very good. It will take a lot of practice.
Then Savana and I caught to bus to go to the beach one last time. On the ride to the beach I got a little teary thinking about leaving but not too much and it didn’t last long. The beach was great! There were huge waves that would come crashing down on us and throw us all over. It was a lot of fun just going wherever the water sent me. Even though the waves were big, where we were at there was very little curren, so I felt pretty safe in the watert. We played in the waves for about an hour. I started getting a little tired so I got out, sat in the sun and drank my tangelo juice.
Darrel and Janie came and picked us up and we went to the market. Wed. market is my favorite. I didn’t buy much because I was leaving. A few banana’s to make a smoothie later and some broccoli which I ate right away.
After market we went back to the house. I made 2 liters of papaya/banana smoothie and drank it all up right away. I wanted to make sure I had a full stomach before getting on the plane. I also ate a few fresh jungle peanuts that Janie and Darrel had bought at the market. They were sooo yummy. After just a few I could feel my body telling me that it had enough fats. I listened to my body and stopped eating them.
I finished packing and it was time to go. Darrel had made a raw tahini dressing earlier and I put some of that on a huge bowl full of lettuce and took it with me in the truck. I ate my lettuce on the way to the airport but the dressing was too much after having ate the fats in the peanuts earlier, my body was done with fats. So I gave it to Darrel and he finished it off. We listening to music Savana wanted to listen to on the way to the airport. I was really surprised at how calm I felt about leaving. At the airport we all hugged goodbye. Janie and Darrel wanted my assurance that I would be back, which I assured them that there was no doubt about that. I didn’t even want to leave. I could easily picture myself living there happily ever after 🙂 Earlier in the day Darrel kept saying he was going to keep Savana as collateral to make sure I would come back. I felt so good to be wanted. I loved staying with Janie and Darrel. I learned so much from them. After being together 23 years they are still very much in love and it shows. The whole time I was there, they did not say one mean or angry word to each other…or to Savana and I for that matter. They communicated openly and clearly with each other and even in stressful situations they showed each other nothing but love and understanding. Simply amazing! Staying with them I felt surrounded by beautiful, joyful people all the time. People like Janie and Darrel are few and far between and I am so grateful that they are part of my life 🙂 Those are the kind of people that I want in my life!
Savana and I made it through security, got on the plane and flew out of paradise 🙁
The overnight flight was tough. We flew to LA, then Salt Lake City which is where I am at now. It is 26 degrees outside. Ridiculous! At least Boise is a whole 10 degrees warmer at a balmy 36….inside I am laughing hysterically…ahhhhh!!!!!

1 day left in Kauai

Last night I went to bed at 9. I woke up at 7a.m. feeling really great and refreshed.
I did some things on the computer. Squeezed my 64 oz. of tangelo juice and bottled it up.   Janie, Darrel, their son Ariel, Savana and I all headed off to get the rest of the shipment for the screen house. We had to go to the farm first to get the big truck that they rented, since we had left it there last night.
We got the truck and drove both trucks to the shipment yard. Janie, Savana and I in the one truck. Darrel and Ariel in the big truck. At the shipment yard they were telling Darrel that he picked up everything yesterday and there wasn’t anything else to get. He was not very happy since they had told him yesterday that there were 2 more pallets and that is why he kept the big truck another day. We were there quite a while figuring things out. I spent the time carrying Savana around in different ways to build up my arm strength. It is pretty tough carrying 85 lbs. around for long periods of time.
Finally Darrel and Ariel left to take the big truck back and us girls waited around for the rest of the receipts. We then went and picked up the guys. Ariel had some errands he needed to run with Darrel close to the mall. Savana and I walked around the mall, while Janie stayed in the truck and took a nap. I drank my tangelo juice and bought Savana a smoothie at Jamba juice. It was a beautiful day. Partly cloudy, mid 70’s and a tropical breeze. We sat in the sun at the mall for a while waiting for Darrel and Ariel to get done. It was so cool being in a mall but still being outside. After a few minutes the guys showed up and were hungry. They decided to go to a mexican restaurant. I did some thinking about how I wanted to address this situation. I have been all raw for 10 days, I wasn’t sure how I would do in a restaurant. I was really hungry and yesterday I had gone through a lot of cooked food cravings. I decided that I was up for the challenge and that I would just simply stay strong. At the restaurant I ordered a green salad which came with lettuce, tomato’s, olives and cheese. I asked for no olives and cheese, so it was really just lettuce and tomato’s. I told myself that I was going to be happy with that and I was. My salad came and I asked if they made their salsa fresh. She said they did, so I ordered a little to use as dressing. I ate my salad, wasn’t even tempted to eat any of the chips or nachos that everyone else was eating. I was happy, my body felt great and there was no way I was going to ruin that great feeling by eating something that would take me down. I wanted to continue to feel light, beautiful and clean….and I did 🙂 When we were almost done eating Ariel’s girlfriend met us there and he decided to stay and go off with her for a while. Just as we were getting ready to leave Janie showed up and we all went back to the truck to go to the farm again.
At the farm Janie and I did inventory of all the parts for the screen house. It went really well. Things were labeled good, we found everything quickly and best of all…everything was there! We were very excited and jumped around hugging each other. I ate a bunch of fresh greens. Darrel fed the guinea pigs and then we headed back to the house, picking up Ariel on the way.
Back at the house I made a liter of papaya/banana smoothie, then took an hour nap. I woke up at a little after 6. I had scheduled to talk to a friend at 6 on gchat so I quickly got on the computer and thankfully they were still there waiting for me. I also skyped another friend and talked to them for a while. Around 7:30 I got off the computer and made another liter of papaya/banana smoothie. Janie, Savana, Darrel and I sat down and watched “IT Crowd” while Janie taught me how to knit. I thought I did pretty good for my first time. I also made my tomato soup somewhere in the middle of all this. Everyone watched tv while I knitted for a couple of hours and then headed off to bed.
It was another fantastic day on the island. I could only do 6 push ups tonight because my arms were tired from carrying Savana around earlier.
I weighed 152 lbs. this morning. The weight is slowly and steadily coming off.
Tomorrow we will leave the island. Our plane leave at 9:45p.m. I am trying not to think about leaving. I am excited to see friends and my kitties when I get back.
Savana and I will probably spend some time at the beach tomorrow for the last time if the weather is nice.

2 day’s left in Kauai

Last night I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had trouble falling asleep for some reason which was strange since I was exhausted.
I woke up at 5 a.m. Squeezed 64 oz. of tangelo juice, bottled it up and grabbed my bag of longan’s that I didn’t eat yesterday. We left at 6 a.m. to get April to the airport. We dropped her off at 7 a.m. We had planned on picking up a big truck to haul Janie and Darrel’s shipment with all their screen house parts back to the farm right after we dropped April off. We found out though that the truck would not be ready until 10 a.m. So we went to the farm for a while. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. So I stayed in the truck and took a short nap, until it was time to go. I drank all my tangelo juice when I woke up on the drive to get the big truck.
We picked up the big truck and drove to the shipment yard, got part of the shipment and drove back to the farm. We unloaded all the parts, which were very big and heavy. It took a while and a lot of creativity, but it was fun and we got it all done. We drove back to the shipment yard and picked up some more of the screen house. Went back out to the farm. I ate my bag of longan’s and drank a bunch of water. We unloaded that shipment, which was a lot easier than the first one. By that time it was 5p.m. and we were all hungry and tired. We stopped at a few place and headed back home. I ate 2 apple banana’s on the drive. Back at the house I made a liter of papaya/banana smoothie.
I will probably make a tomato soup of some sort in a while. Probably the same thing I made last night as a salad dressing without the dehydrated tomato’s since I forgot to dry some today.
I am really really tired tonight and I hope to get to bed by 9. In an hour.
I feel really good though from all the physical labor today. It is so great working with Janie and Darrel, their communication skills are incredibly good. No one gets mad or frustrated, we all work together and have a great time. I wish I could stick around to help put up the screen house, I think that would be an absolute blast. We have to pick up one more shipment tomorrow but there is no way we will have time to start on it before I leave 🙁

I am up to 8 push ups.
I didn’t weight myself this morning so I can’t report on that.

3 more days in Kauai

Ahh..only 3 days left. Time to work on deep breathing, don’t panic…stay calm.

Last night I went to bed at around midnight. I woke up at 4 a.m. and felt really hungry. I drank some water which helped but I was awake by then. I got up to check my e-mail and had a message from a friend wanting my story about overcoming schizophrenia for his web site. I started writing out my story and before I knew it the sun had come up and it was 9 a.m. The house was starting to wake up so I went out and asked Janie what time we were leaving for the farm. They were thinking they would leave around 11. I did a few more things and went back to bed to catch some sleep before leaving. I slept for about an hour. Got up squeezed 64 oz. of tangelo juice, filled up my water bottle, grabbed a big bag of longan’s and we were out the door.
On the way to the farm I drank 32 oz. of my juice. When we got there I started in on my favorite things. I searched around the passion fruit vines to find the fruits that had fallen…I call it hunting for easter eggs. There were a lot of passion fruit to be found which was fun. Then I headed to the papaya patch and harvest quite a bit of papaya’s. The bin that I put them in was so heavy I couldn’t lift it, I actually could barely even drag it. I almost went and got Darrel to help me bring it in, but decided that I was tough and could do it myself. I would drag a couple of feet, rest, drag a couple more feet, rest until I got it all the way back to where the truck was. I was very happy with myself. I then separated them into smaller bins so they would keep longer and not bruise each other with their weight.
After that Janie, April, Savana and I went over to the cotton plants. They were completely hidden in the guinea grass. We started hacking away at the grass. I loved this work. I got into my zone and went to town. Savana lasted about a half hour and then went off to explore. It was slightly raining on us which felt great and the air was pleasantly warm. My kitty motor was purring away inside of me as I worked. It took about an hour and a half to get all the grass cut down. We took a break and on the walk back to the truck we discovered little heads of lettuce coming up in the old garden area. We all just started munching away, I love eating food directly from the ground. It makes me feel like a wild animal. Those greens tasted like heaven to me and I ate and ate and ate until I felt completely satisfied. Then I went and drank the rest of my tangelo juice. I love being on the farm surrounded by nature and natures food. It gives me a sense of security and makes me very happy.
I usually call my boys that are with their dad in Salt Lake City every Saturday. So I called them up and as always we had a lot of fun talking and joking around on the phone. I then called my friend Doug and between my boys and him I must have talked for quite a while because when I got off the phone everyone else was back working, weeding out the basil patch. Just as I was about to head over they started coming back and said that they were done and it was time to go. I was feeling a little tired from not getting enough sleep so was glad to be heading back.
Back at the house I was planning on taking a nap but did some work on the computer instead. By the time I was done with that I figured that I might as well wait until bed time and try to get to bed early. While doing my computer stuff I had a liter of papaya/banana smoothie.
I got off the computer and was trying to figure out what to have for dinner. I finally decided that I wanted a salad with some yummy dressing. I made up my dressing in the blender with tomato’s, dehydrated tomato’s, basil, green onion, zucchini and half a teaspoon of tahini. It tasted really good but when I went to get my lettuce out of the fridge I discovered that it had gone bad. So I walked three blocks to the store and bought some more as well as some broccoli. I made up my salad when I got back and poured on my dressing. It was really good with the broccoli but the lettuce tasted too bitter. I tried forcing myself to eat some of the lettuce and kind of disguised it by making sure I had broccoli with each bite. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and just picked out the lettuce and at some more with just the broccoli. I got really full and couldn’t eat it all. I had been sitting on the floor talking with Janie and April while I ate. April had been watching Janie and I eat the past couple of days and was getting very interested in what we were doing. She asked if she could taste the rest of what I couldn’t eat. I was of course more than willing to share. She tasted it and ended up eating almost all of the rest.

I came it to do my blog and will hopefully be in bed by 10. We have a big day tomorrow and have to get up at 5a.m. to take April to the airport and pick up Janie and Darrel’s screen house for the farm.

I weighed 153 lbs. again today.
I am doing 7 push ups!

4 day’s left in Kauai

Last night I went to bed around midnight and woke up at 8a.m. I slept pretty good and had a dream of running and running but never getting short of breath or tired no matter how far or how long I ran. It was a great dream.
I got up, was on the computer a short amount of time and then got ready to go snorkeling.
I squeezed 70 oz. of tangelo juice and bottled it up to take with me. I also grabbed a big bag of rambutans. We headed out at about 10ish. Drove into Hanalei, rented snorkel gear for $5 a day, and bought a disposable underwater camera, on the drive I ate a bunch of katook (little yummy green leaves). Drove to Annini beach and headed out into the reef. The guy at the snorkel shop told up that the surf was really high today and that most of the beaches were closed. He thought that Annini beach would be ok, but still questionable. Janie had already said she wasn’t going to snorkel that morning and stayed on the beach. The rest of us, Darrel, April (the new girl), Savana and myself decided that because of the high surf we wouldn’t go out very far. We started swimming toward these buoy’s where Darrel said there were good corals. I could tell there was a current but we were swimming with it so I didn’t realize how strong it was. When we got out past where we couldn’t touch anymore near the buoy I then realized what I was dealing with. I grabbed onto the buoy. I could see Savana coming toward me in full panic mode. I grabbed her when she got to me. Darrel had brought his body board with us to be safe and because he had dealt with having to rescue people in the past and knew that things went a lot smoother with the board. Darrel swam over and I told him that we needed to take Savana to shallower water. He put her on the board and told me that if I wanted he could come back and get me. I said I thought I could swim against the current and if not I would come back to the buoy and wait for him. April had already headed back a while ago. So the three of us headed back against the current which I could handle but it was quite a workout. In shallower water we found some corals but the current was so strong it was hard to hold still long enough to see anything. After about a half hour of struggling around we decided to get out.
Back on the beach I drank my 70 oz. of tangelo juice and ate a few rambutan but most of them had gone bad so there wasn’t very many that were edible. Janie and April were weaving cool baskets from grass they had picked. It was awesome.
I rested a little and called my friend Maggie who had almost died of organ failure a couple of weeks ago. At that time everyone thought she was not going to pull out of it and I was sure that I would be spending the rest of my vacation mourning the loss of my dear friend. She surprised us all though and pulled out of it miraculously. She had just started being able to talk again a couple of days ago and last night her daughter said she was at a care center and gave me her number. When she answered the phone and I heard her beautiful voice I was so happy I started crying. We had a short but wonderful talk since I barely had a connection and kept cutting out.
After talking to Maggie I saw some people snorkeling at the other end of the beach. I walked down there and figured if the current was still bad over there at least it would just bring me back to where everyone else was. The current wasn’t as bad over there and I had a lot of fun snorkeling around for about an hour. I didn’t realize how much time had gone by until I saw Savana and Darrel in the shore trying to get my attention to tell me it was time to go.
We all loaded back up, returned the gear and came back to the house.
I got on the computer and did a web chat with some other fruity people for about a half hour. I skyped my friend Doug briefly and then Janie said they were going to play miniature golf if Savana and I wanted to go. I walked to the store to get Savana ingredients for her dinner. Came back and made myself a liter of papaya/banana smoothie. Drank that up quickly and we were off.
I was still a little bit hungry when we left but figured I would be ok until we got back. I had fun playing golf, it was lightly raining on us but it was still warm. As the game went on I was getting hungrier and hungrier. I was also feeling weaker and weaker. By the time we were done I was feeling like I desperately needed food. Everyone was goofing around and Darrel was trying to add up our scores. I was almost in a panic. I asked Darrel if he could do that at the house and told him and Janie that I was really hungry and needed food as soon as possible. So we drove back to the house and Janie asked if there was anything she could do to help me eat right away. I was so grateful for her understanding and willingness to help, I knew I could whip up a smoothie really fast and I would be ok. At the house I ran inside. Janie and Savana grabbed me banana’s and a papaya. I crammed them in the blender, added some water and blended them up. It took me about 2 minutes to get that smoothie from the blender into my stomach. I felt so much better…ahhhh. I made it! I hadn’t realized how many calories I had burned with all the snorkeling I did. My body was quite aware of it though! After I ate I made Savana her dinner and come in my room to do my blog.
Janie just came in to check on me to see if I was feeling better. She is so great!
I also ate two caimito’s while writing this blog. My tummy is very happy now 🙂

I weighed myself this morning. I am at 153 lbs. down 7 lbs. and I believe this is my eighth day eating low fat raw. I seem to be losing almost a pound a day. Yeah!

I am now doing 5 push ups. I’m thinking it will be up to 6 by tomorrow 🙂

Tomorrow we are going to go work out at the farm. I love working at the farm! It will be fun 🙂

5 days left in Kauai

Today was much better than yesterday.
Last night I went to bed at around midnight and woke up at 7 a.m.
I got on the computer for a while. Went outside in the gorgeous sun and made some phone calls. While I was talking on the phone I sat on the grass and did some great stretches.
Came back in and squeezed my 64oz. of tangelo juice. Janie had rescued a young 22 year old woman from a bad woofing situation earlier in the day. I drank my tangelo juice while we all sat around her, listened to her story and comforted her. It is so great that Janie was able to get her out of the situation that she was in, being a 22 year old female alone in a strange place can be hard it itself…let alone being harassed by the person in charge. She was very happy to be here and we were happy to have her here.
Later Savana and I played on the aerial fabrics for a short amount of time. Then I had her work on some of her math.
For lunch I ate 3 papaya’s and had a liter of papaya/banana smoothie. Then I took an hour nap. After my nap I walked to the store to get Savana ingredients for her spaghetti dinner. I came back, played big boggle with her, made her dinner and got on the computer again for a while. I skyped a friend and munched on a few dehydrated tomato’s while we talked. By the time we got off the phone I was ravished. I was so very hungry. I briefly had a craving for some cooked food but what I really wanted was another smoothie. This time I just used banana’s and made a liter. That hit the spot. I felt full and satisfied. My mind was clear and I was happy. I was wanting to do more exercise today but Savana had requested another day of rest. Tomorrow will be great fun, since we are planning on going snorkeling. It will be a day full of fun in the water and sun.
I felt very calm and peaceful again today. The empty feeling I experienced yesterday was gone and so was the anger. I thought about doing some work writing about my sister, but decided to rest on it until another time.
There was a lot of sharing and conversation around the house today with the new girl being here. I really enjoyed that.
I am up to 4 push ups now. I hope to make it to ten before I leave. I might not make it, but it will be close.
I am trying to mentally prepare myself for the cold when I get back to Boise, but am wondering if that is actually possible. I think I am better off enjoying the warmth of Hawaii while it is still here 🙂 I know I can deal with the cold. I have done it my whole life. I am just very grateful to have had one month of winter spent here in paradise. Next year will definitely have to be 2 months.

6 day’s left in Kauai

Hello emotions! Here they come….day 6 of eating all low fat raw.

Last night I read some before bed. A book called “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”. It’s a really good book and is making me want to ride on a motorcycle. I went to sleep around 11 p.m.
Woke up this morning at 8 a.m., didn’t sleep very good and didn’t want to wake up. I really didn’t have a choice though since there was some big machinery outside making a racket. I made 64 0z. of fresh squeezed tangelo juice and went outside to make some phone calls. My last call was to my sister. I felt somewhat frustrated after the call. I guess there is a part of me that wants my sister to “get me” and realistically that is never going to happen.
I came back in and got on the computer. I was still feeling frustrated and empty. I just wanted to zone out on the computer and not think. A part of me was thinking…but you’re in Hawaii and it is a beautiful day out…and you want to stay inside and zone out? The other part of me ignored that voice of reason and continued to zone. Savana kept coming up to talk to me and messing up my zoning out. I felt angry and asked her in not so nice of a way to “please, just leave me alone for 5 minutes…I need some alone time”. She went away and I stayed on the computer for another hour or so.
Finally I decided to go ahead with my plans of walking to the Kilauea lighthouse. I told Savana to get ready and we headed off. I was told it was only about a mile walk and I was glad to be outside getting fresh air and exercise. I brought along my ipod and turned up the music to continue my zone mode. Savana immediately started complaining that it was hot and wanted to know why we had to walk. I became angry with her again and told her that I didn’t want to hear any complaining about exercise. She started pouting behind me and I just turned up my music louder and kept walking.
We got to a parking area and lookout before the lighthouse and there was a sign saying that no pedestrians could enter..only cars. Ok…interesting. Savana went off to sit in the shade and I stood looking out at the ocean for a while, thinking about what we should do. I got out the camera and called Savana over to take a picture of her with the view. There was another couple next to me and they asked if I wanted them to take a picture of both of us together. I told them that would be great and did the same for them. Then I asked if they were going into the park with the lighthouse. They said they were and I asked if we could ride in with them since we came on foot. They were happy to help and we rode in with them.
At the entrance to the park at the pay booth Savana was given a chart to fill out about the birds and plants she will see along the path. We had a good time filling out the chart on the walk to the lighthouse. We also saw some sea turtles swimming and had fun looking through the binoculars and different things. We when we got to the lighthouse I spent quite a while looking out at the ocean and felt much more peaceful. Back in the parking lot there was an older couple walking to their car. I asked if we could ride out with them. The man thought about it a minute and asked if I was going to hit him over the head or anything. A little stunned I assured him we just needed a ride out to the lookout area since no pedestrians were allowed to walk the narrow road. He said that should be fine. So we got in and started talking. Him and his wife are from northern Minnesota and are visiting for 17 days. When we got to the lookout area they asked if we wanted to ride all the way into Kilauea. I was thinking the walk back would be good, but Savana said “oh yes please!” So they took us the rest of the way into town.
When we got to Janie’s house she was getting ready to leave to pick up Darrel at the farm. I felt like I needed to keep myself busy and not go back into my zone, so Savana and I went along. On the drive I mentioned to Janie my phone call to my sister and shared with her some of my family history and she did the same back. I also feasted on a bunch of rambutan’s. I felt slightly light headed from the rambutan’s and realized that I hadn’t eaten very many greens yesterday. When we got to the farm I grabbed a bunch of katook (a very yummy green leaf) and munched on a whole lot of it. I immediately felt better and more grounded.
While at the farm we picked up Darrel, did an errand, stopped at the hardware store and drove back. The drive back was fun…the music was going…Savana and I were car dancing together in the back seat to Lady Gaga.
Back at the house Janie and I were in the kitchen making dinner together. I told her I was feeling so angry today and I didn’t know why. Very wisely she mentioned maybe it had to do with my phone call to my sister. The light bulb when on in my head…oh yeah..that’s it. I made up my dinner of shredded carrots, zucchini, jicama covered in tomato sauce made with freshly dehydrated tomato’s, tomato’s, fresh squeezed tangelo and lemon juice and green onion stems. I sat down to eat my meal and the first bite was so unsatisfying. I didn’t want that…I wanted something more…something heavy….something to make me numb…maybe I could make some steamed brown rice…that wouldn’t be too harmful on my system. This food was too light and I was sick of it. I knew what was happening. It happens every time I eat all fruits and veggies and especially happens when I start having to deal with my emotions. I quickly reminded myself of what I was feeling and started eating my very unsatisfying meal. I took a few bites and then wondered where Janie was. I knew she had just made her meal of shredded carrots, parsley and lemon juice and I thought we could eat together. I found her in her room happily munching away. I sat down with her and told her mine didn’t taste good. She tasted it and said it tasted good to her. I started eating it again and with each bite it seemed to be tasting better and better. Janie and I talked as we both ate our meals, before I knew it I had finished it all and felt very full and very satisfied.
After dinner I came into my room and skyped my friend Doug. We had a really good talk. I shared with him how I was feeling and the emptiness inside of me. It was a great talk. He suggested I figure out what I am wanting from my sister that I am not giving myself…or something like that…I can’t remember exactly, strange how I happened to forget what he said, the key to getting to the bottom of my anger today. I guess I will have to ask him again.

So to summarize the day. I am so grateful for having such wonderful friends. I love being surrounded by people that encourage me and are full of wisdom. It was a tough day for me, but I made it through. I resisted the temptation to suppress my emotions with food and stayed strong. I am staying on this path of loving my body and giving it only the best food. I am not going to quit…so bring those emotions on! I’m ready.

Last week in Kauai

I leave Kauai one week from today. That will be a total of 30 days in paradise.
I decided to blog my last week here in a similar way I have blogged before. I want to briefly cover my experiences each day. Write down what I have eaten and how I feel at the end of the day.

Today Savana wanted a day to relax. She had a hard evening yesterday suffering from swimmers ear.
I woke up at around 8a.m. I felt really good. This was my 5th day of eating all raw fruits and vegetables again. It was a beautiful morning. I could see blues skies out my window and as always here on Kauai the birds were singing. The day started out with high 60’s, low 70’s. I spent some time on the computer, did 2 push ups and went outside to make some phone calls. I sat in the beautiful warm sun for about an hour and a half making phone calls. The sun felt so wonderful, making me warm all over.
I came back inside and made 64 oz. of fresh squeezed tangelo juice. That is what I have been having for breakfast every morning. I drank 48 oz. of it and felt like taking a nap. I took about an hour nap, woke up and drank the rest of my tangelo juice. I also ate a couple of tomatoes and a large papaya.
It was time to go to the market. So I headed off with Janie and Savana. At the market I bought 76 tangelo’s, a bag of longan’s, green onions, bok choy, 2 bunches of carrots and a bunch of apple banana’s. About $40 worth of food for the week. Plus I had to pay $20 for some rambutan that Janie had picked up for me earlier in the week. There wasn’t enough tomatoes for me to get any but I still have half a flat left over from last week. I munched on a couple of green onions and bok choy as I was walking around.
After market we went to the farm and I harvested a bunch of papaya’s. I was all set for food for the week, except I still needed some zucchini. We stopped at Hoku market on the way home to get some zucchini but they didn’t have any.
When we got back to Kilauea I walked over to the Healthy Hut and they had a lot of organic zucchini. I bought 6 for $5. So I figure my total cost of groceries for me for the week is around $65, which is lower than usual since I will be eating some left over food from last week. Savana will not eat any of the fruits or vegetables I bought so this is just my cost only.
After I left the healthy hut I went and said hi to Daphne the cockatoo on the way back to Janie’s.
At home I made 2 liters of papaya/banana smoothie. That was very yummy and satisfying. I drank up while talking to a friend on skype.
Then Janie taught Savana and I how to do some things with the aerial fabrics. It took a few tries but I was able to climb up them all the way to the ceiling which was fun. I also did push ups again and was able to do 3. Woo hoo! I did 10 crunches and tried a few times to do pull ups using the fabric. I’m not able to do one yet, but that won’t last long 🙂
It was a fun mellow, relaxing, warm beautiful day. I feel very happy and peaceful tonight and my mind is very clear.
My weight when I left for Hawaii was 160lbs. This morning I weighed in at 156.

Conversation with myself

So I am reading this book “A Course in Weight Loss” by Marianne Williamson. There is an exercise in there I wanted to blog about.

Dear Unhealthy Pig,
I am sick of you. I’ve had it with you telling me that one bite is ok, or that a little won’t hurt. Those times of making cheesy potatoes, french fries or chips seem appetizing are destroying me. Believe it or not…me is also you. Why would you want to destroy yourself? What the hell is wrong with you? You see all these people and have all these friends that are thriving eating fruit and veggies and then you see all these people and have all these friends suffering from obesity and sickness eating cooked SAD food. How many SAD eaters did you talk to in the past few weeks that were suffering from sinus infections, colds, flues, achy bodies, bowel issues, etc.? Is that what you want out of life? What is so hard about eating as many fruits and veggies as you want and thriving? Why is that an issue? Is having perfect health not what you want?
Day after day I give into you and your whining. Just shut up for once in your life and think about things. You have the knowledge of what is really good and bad for you. You know the RDA is a joke. You have read book after book and heard testimony after testimony. You saw the results of long term fruit eaters at health and fitness week. Not only were those people healthy physically, they were healthy spiritually and emotionally. That is what I want and you seem to want to sabotage it daily. I don’t understand why do not want this as well? What the fuck is your problem?? I wish you were out of my life forever!

Vibrant me.

Dear Vibrant me,
I don’t know why you have to be so hard on me. I am doing the best I can. I am trying to keep you safe in the only way I know how. Life is scary and I don’t always know what I am doing. I want to be healthy and vibrant, but that is new territory for me. I don’t understand how to be that way or how it works. I only know how to be sick. I have been sick most of my life, it is very familiar to me. How can you expect me to jump out there and start a who new life, a whole new way of being and thinking? It’s not an easy thing to do and you are so pushy and mean. I need to be treated with love and understanding. I am trying the best I can. I want for us to succeed. I really do, but it’s hard letting go. If I let go what will I hang on to? I might just fall and both of us will be lost forever. Who will I become? I’m scared.

Unhealthy Pig

Health and Fitness Week 2010

I was fading fast going into health and fitness week. I had been eating horribly, gained some weight and was feeling sorry for myself since not one person in my family wanted to see me succeed. I was tired of having no support and the food I was eating was pulling me into a depression.
The first day at health and fitness week I started menstrating and it was very heavy and painful from eating so many fats the week before. (When I don’t eat fats I hardly even notice it, it is so light and uneventful). So I was bloated and miserable, surrounded by these fit amazingly healthy vibrant people, that seemed to really like and accept me from the first moment they saw me. I truly felt out of place. I was angry at myself for allowing myself to fall so far down that I couldn’t enjoy the week that I had been so much looking forward to.
That first evening I spent in tears, just sobbing and sobbing….releasing all my frustration, anger and deep deep sadness.
After that night my inner spirit recovered quickly. I embraced all the wonderful energy everyone there was so willing to give and gave back all I could in full force.
I felt so loved and supported the entire time.

Meal times were so much fun. Everyone just feasting on incredible amounts of beautiful organic fruits and veggies. Sharing meals like that just doesn’t happen in my day to day life. The best part is that after the meals were over everyone still felt great, there was no one grabbing their stomach moaning about not feeling good.

I loved the fitness group I was in. It was the beginner group and it was plenty for me. I found out quickly that any other exercise besides bike riding is a challenge for me. I literally have no other muscle endurance or strength in any other areas. It is going to be fun getting my body fit in different ways. Jumping rope is the first weakest link I want to tackle and have it down by next year. It was my least favorite exercise during the week 🙂 I also want to look into joining a team sport such as softball or soccer.

My favorite part was the people. The amount of physical hugs and being touched while walking past someone was so wonderful. It just filled my heart to complete fullness.

Doug was fantastic! Even more incredible that I expected him to be. I am so grateful for him. Without his book I believe I would not be alive today, and even if I was alive I would not be thriving like I am now.

I am proud of myself for making this a reality.