23 years of carrying anger….time to shed that weight.

October 10th, 2011

Slept in today. It was so very nice after going non stop for a couple of weeks. Got up at 9 a.m. Since I didn’t work today I was going to get some things done around the house that I have been wanting to do for a long time.

Savana woke up at 11. I made her oatmeal and applesauce for breakfast. I had a durian. Savana went into her room and started making a home made photo album. She is so good at finding fun creative things to do all on her own. I think that is just wonderful.

I re-potted one of my carnivorous plants. Put up some shelves. Cleaned out my kitchen cupboards and organized them. Cleaned out a big wooden chest that I keep scrap material in. I also wrote a hand written letter to a friend.

For lunch I made Savana some potatoes and I had half a watermelon.

After lunch I wanted to do some laundry. There was some bedding I needed to wash and I didn’t want to wash it by hand. I usually use the neighbors washing machine across the street if I don’t wash by hand and give him a couple bucks for it. He was in the middle of doing a load. So I went down to the trailer on the corner to ask the lady there if I could use her washer. She was happy to share. One thing I’ve come to learn in my 4 years of living in this trailer court, that living among people who are dirt poor, there are some that are willing to share the little bit they do have. I stayed while the clothes were washing and talked to her. I had been wondering how she was doing anyway and this was a great way to catch up. A couple of years ago she had a boyfriend that was much younger than her and he was very abusive. One day when he was beating on her, she ran out her door and down the street. This guy chased her down and started hitting her in the middle of the street. I was at work when this happened, which is good or I would have flipped out…baseball bat in hand. Another lady that lived in the park called the cops and went out and pulled him off of her. He went to jail and was not allowed to come within a football field of the lady he beat up. As soon as he got out of jail he was back. Thankfully she called the police right away and now he can’t come in contact with her until August of 2013.

I couple of months ago I saw the abusive guy downtown. I was talking to one of my homeless friends Ronnie when two guys walked up. Ronnie told me these were his new friends. I looked over and one of them was that guy. He looked straight at me and said “you still living in the same place?”. He had the darkest, coldest energy I have ever felt. I told Ronnie I had to go and just left. I was not in a safe place and I could feel it. I wonder how someone gets to be that evil…they had to have had horrible things happen to them. How does someone learn to feel love and compassion for someone like that? I’m not saying to put yourself in a dangerous situation, but learning to feel love and compassion for someone while knowing you can’t be around them. I still have so much anger toward one of my step dad’s that beat the hell out of me when I was 16. I guess it’s time to work on forgiving him and letting go of that anger I’ve been carrying around for a lot of years, 23 years to be exact. I had forgot I was carrying that anger until now. Ahh…wake up call ๐Ÿ™‚

So anyway, the lady on the corner is doing great. She is going to school and keeping busy. We had a fun chat. I gave her a couple of dollars for letting me use her washer. I walked back home and was hanging my clothes on the line when it started to sprinkle a little bit of rain. I didn’t need any of the clothes right away, so I didn’t mind them getting rained on. I actually like it because then when they do dry they smell like rain ๐Ÿ™‚ Just after I came back inside it started pouring down hard. I was so glad to be inside, cozy and warm and not having to go to work. There were some things in the garden that I wanted to get done but I figured it could wait until my next day off.

At 6 p.m. I was meeting a woman that my roommate had said could use his car for the week. I said I would take the car to her. I wanted to run a couple of errands so I left at a little before 5 with Savana. We stopped at the costume shop and Savana got some things for her Halloween costume. I introduced myself to the lady helping us, she seemed like a very happy bouncy person and her name is Alex. We then went to the co-op and I returned hair dye that Savana changed her mind about. I wanted to get a good rain jacket before I had to go to work the next day and I wanted to support local businesses. We drove up to “Benchmark” to check out their rain jackets. They had some good ones that I liked but I wanted to check out one more place. So we drove to “Idaho Mountain Touring” and that was the where I decided to spend my money. I am very very picky about how I spend my money. I want as much of it as possible to stay local. I can’t bear to think of my hard earned dollar going into the pocket of some corporate CEO. I really like the rain jacket I got, it fits really good and I look sexy in it. I want to look sexy year round. I am tired of looking frumpy in the cold and rain. I want to show off my curves…ha!

I made it right on time at 6 to give the woman my roommates car. I drove us to my house first, she seemed to have had a bad day. Her energy was very chaotic, I practiced refocusing her and asked her about the classesย  she is taking at college. She started talking about a very interesting class about Islam and Muslim history. The class sounds fascinating and she really enjoyed talking about it and seemed to have calmed down by the time we got to my house. Off she went with the car and I was glad to be rid of it. Pampering time for me was starting to turn into plain old laziness and I wanted to quit relying on the car and get back to my bike.

For dinner I made Savana some plain brown rice and I decided that I could have some as well, instead of making a salad or having some fruit..which I have plenty of in the house. Not a good decision! I had a stomach ache and slight headache for the rest of the night. I woke up in the night several times with my stomach hurting. Ok body! I’m sorry!

Is it humble to strive for humility?

Woke up at 6:45 a.m. Feeling a little bit stuffed up, but much better than yesterday morning. Woke up Savana. Was trying to decide if I should bike to church or use my roommates car. I was still feeling chilled and having a hard time maintaining my body temperature. I decided that if I took the car it would not be the lazy decision, instead it would be pampering myself until I fully recover from my cold. So I took the car to work, with the heater blasting….ahh…so toasty warm! On the way I stopped at Flying M and got 56oz. of fresh squeezed oj, Savana got 14 oz. and a cinnamon roll.

My job today was to clean the Mennonite church and I had to get it done before church started at 9:30 a.m. I was able to get it cleaned with 5 minutes to spare. It was pretty messy today now that some of the leaves are starting to fall, there is a lot of tracking in leaf bits and pieces…so it goes.

I was thinking that after I cleaned I would just go home and go back to bed. Once people started showing up though, it was so good to see all my wonderful friends and I was feeling pretty good, so I stayed. Savana was not happy with my decision. She was tired and crabby and wanted to go back home. She got quite a little 11 year old attitude with me. So we had to step to the side and have a talk…basically it was me telling her to knock it off or there would be consequences. I wasn’t sure how well that talk went as she stomped off the Sunday school. I was feeling like I was sort of lost, being a mom is so hard sometimes. I want to do the right thing and make the right decisions, but I don’t know what those are half the time.

I shrugged it off and went back out to socialize. Everyone was asking me about my play and how they were going to try to go see it. It is so wonderful to me to be involved with a church that supports me being in “The Rocky Horror Show”…and most of them have seen it! I love that about the Boise Mennonites. That is one reason why I even go there. Not one person there has ever asked me what I believe, religious wise. They figure it’s no ones business but my own. I don’t even believe in “God” in any conventional religious belief. No one cares…they let me lead the worship service once every other month, they have me on the worship committee. The sermons are not about saving others or what religion is the right religion, who’s sinning and who’s not. They are about being a better person, self healing and growth and that is what I am about. I want to become the best person I can be in my lifetime.

During adult morning class we talked about humility. It was a great discussion. A good point was brought up about laughter and humility going together…with the idea of being able to laugh at ourselves. Also we talked about if you even strive for humility..is that being humble? Good question! I loved the topic and we gave examples of people we knew that practiced humility. Great stuff.

After church service there was a new young couple there…yay…I could get in my introductions in right away. There names were Ryan and Katie. Katie works for the sierra club. Right on! Perfect fit for the church. We are a group of environmentalists for sure. You should see the bike rack every Sunday, it is packed full. I get almost giddy just looking at all those bikes.

After church we went to the co-op. Savana was back to being her happy self…whew! I let Savana get some herbal hair dye, she wanted to die her hair black for Halloween. I bought some dates and persimmons and some food for Savana. I was trying to decide if I wanted to stay downtown and go to an Occupy Boise gathering at 2, or if I should go home and get some rest. The idea of getting rest won out. As much as I wanted to go to the gathering and I knew a lot of my friends would be there, I wanted to take care and love myself back into perfect health again even more.

I came home and wrote my blog for yesterday. I ate a one of the durians I had bought the day before. It was not a very good one. Then Savana watched a movie on the laptop while I took a nap. I didn’t realized how extremely tired I was. I fell asleep instantly and it was a hard deep sleep. My dreams were fun…I was floating around following energies. Beautiful, wonderful feelings in my dreams. I woke up to my phone ringing which was good. I had slept longer than I thought I would and it was time for me to get up and get ready to go to dinner. I ran a hot bath and soaked in the tub for a while, getting warm, I was still feeling really chilled.

The Mennonite church has a fun event where get groups of people together to have dinner and get to know more about each other…it is called “supper for several”. It was my groups night to meet. I made up a bunch of banana, peach smoothie and bottled it up to take. I was running late and didn’t have time to bike, plus I was still feeling run down, so I took Steve’s car.

I made it to dinner and one of the ladies had brought a salad. She had told me earlier at church she was not going to put anything in it that was not aย  fruit or vegetable so that I could eat it. It is so great how very accommodating everyone is at these dinners. They are always happy to make sure they include me in their food preparations. Since I knew about the salad ahead of time I had brought ingredients for my raw tahini lemon dressing and I made it up real quick making sure I made enough that everyone else could try it as well.

Dinner conversation was great. I shared a little about the fruit festival and about keeping in contact with other fruitarians from around the world. Others talked about great things they were doing, interesting things about their work, trips they had gone on recently and how they spent their days while working. Such good energy and wonderful, encouraging people to be around. I was happy to be among my people ๐Ÿ™‚ย  I had some of my smoothie and then salad with my dressing, I also had some plain brown rice that had nothing on it. I did get a very slight headache after eating the rice, but not terribly bad. It was all good.

After dinner, Savana and I came home and settled down for the night. Neither of us have to get up in the morning. Yay! I have the day off tomorrow and I am going to just take it easy. I want to be back to 100% by Tuesday so I can get back on my bike and hit the ground running ๐Ÿ™‚




Banana Trees!

Woke up at 6 a.m. I realized that I was sick and had a full blow cold. My nose was running like crazy and I was stuffed up. How could I be sick??? I have been eating perfectly? It couldn’t be the fact that I have been pushing myself too much..over doing it and not getting enough sleep…right? I got ready, went and picked up Savana at her grandma’s a block away. Then drove downtown to pick up my boys at 7a.m. At 7:45 the boys’ dad show up with them. He apologized and said he thought we were meeting at 8 a.m.That’s fine.

I take the kids to Tree City Smoothie and get them all smoothies and I have 32 0z. of fresh squeezed oj. We then drove home. I was so tired and feeling horrible. So I set the kids up with a movie and took a nap. I slept for about an hour, but felt a little better. I got up and ate half a watermelon. Then I made the kids some fried potato’s and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

They wanted to watch another movie. So while they did that I did laundry and cleaned my house. It needed to be cleaned to badly. It had been over a month since I cleaned last because I just didn’t have time with my crazy schedule. The floors were disgusting. It felt so good to have it clean. Happy!!

After the kids got done with their movie we walked a block away to get two banana trees from a friend of mine. He had them given to him, but didn’t want them and they had been sitting outside in the cold. The poor trees looked pretty sad. I was so happy to rescue them and put them in my house! I now have 3 banana trees! More happy!

Once the trees were settled inside. I drove the kids up to the mall. Savana had a free coupon for shoes from school that was at Payless shoes. I haven’t been to the mall in years and didn’t really want to go…also didn’t want to pass up free shoes. So I survived the mall traffic and parking on a Saturday. One thing about riding my bike, I never have traffic or parking issues. We made it inside and Savana got a nice pair of warm winter boots. Yay!

After the mall I told Shawn my oldest son, who turned 18 on the 7th, that we could do what he wanted. He wanted to go to dinner at a nice chinese restaurant. I took him downtown to PF Chang’s. We sat outside and I had a spot in the sun…perfect! I ordered plain steamed veggies. I wasn’t sure if that was the best thing to eat with my cold and all, but I did it anyway. The kids all had fun at dinner, we played around with the chopsticks…making music and trying to pick things up. I introduced myself to the waitress, her name was Mariska…I like that name.ย  My steamed veggies were fine and I didn’t have a negative reaction at all. I actually felt incredibly better by that time. I was back to my high energy bouncy self.

We finished dinner and then went to the Bronco store for the Boise State University football team…which most of the people in the city are crazy about. Shawn bought a strap there that had the Boise State logo on it with his birthday money. Scott and Savana pleaded for things…but I’m not the kind of mom that just spontaneously buys things for my kids and they know it. So they got nothing…hahaha!

It was time to take Scott back to his dad. I was able to keep Shawn longer, because he is now 18 and he wanted to come see my play. So I dropped of Scott and we said our goodbye’s until we get to see each other again next month. Then I took Shawn and Savana back to Tree City Smoothie. I got another 32 oz. of fresh squeezed oj and the kids got another smoothie. We then drove to the Orient Market and I bought 2 durian and a bunch of young coconuts.

We went to my play. I had to be there an hour before show time, so Shawn and Savana decided to walk around and window shop until it was time for the play to start. The play went great. I had a really great time performing. It was so fun seeing Shawn out in the audience. I was trying to think of him as an adult now. It was hard for me. He still looks like my boy to me. I figure that’s just how it goes.

After the play I dropped Shawn off. Savana and I got home around 11:30 and went to bed right away. I had to get up early to go to work.

My son is 18 today!

I woke up this morning at 8 a.m. and was out the door by 8:45 a.m. I had a slightly stuffy nose and my throat was a little sore from nasal drip. I was sure I wasn’t sick…I’m a fruitarian…I don’t get sick!

I still had 7 peaches left from yesterday that I took with me. My first job was 5 miles away with 2 hills to climb. These are my oldest clients…at least he is. Their names are Peggy and Big. Big is 89 and Peggy is 80. They are wonderful people.

When I got there I ate my 7 peaches and cleaned for 2 hours. As I was cleaning I realized that today was the 7th and it was my oldest sons 18th birthday. I sent him a happy birthday text and then promptly started crying again. I was so happy that he was 18. At soon as he graduates high school in May, he can move to Boise and we can spend as much time together as we want. I have been waiting 7 years for this day, ever since their dad got custody of my boys and decided to be all controlling and manipulative with them. I won’t have to deal with that anymore with my oldest. I still have 2 more years before my other son is 18. Then I will be free of their dad completely!

I had a little extra time before I had to be at my next client Wylla’s. I had decided the other day that I needed to get some sexy winter clothing. I am tired of looking frumpy all winter. So I stopped at a second hand store and tried on some cute long sleeve shirts and sweaters. I found a few nice ones. My last client of the day Maggie called and canceled me coming that afternoon. By that time I was running late for Wylla. So I pedaled as fast as I could the 5 miles to her apartment.

At Wylla’s I ate the other half of my watermelon that I had left there on Wed. Wylla and I had a wonderful time as usual. I told her all about my emotional breakdowns over the past 3 days and she seemed to think it would all turn out for the best.

After Wylla, I had a few free hours before I had to be at my play performance. Woo hoo! My bike had been running horribly for a week or more, so I biked downtown 3 miles to the Boise Bicycle Project to do some work on it. I am so glad I did. It was a slow day in there so I had the help of 2 guys that worked there. After looking it over we decided it needed a new chain, sprocket and pedal. With three of us on the job, we changed it all out in 45 minutes. I have this amazing sprocket now that has an awesome hill climbing gear! I can’t wait to climb my next hill ๐Ÿ™‚ We also aired up my tires really tight. I hadn’t realized how low the air pressure was. So now my bike rides like it is brand new. So awesome!

Next I stopped at Tree City Smoothie and had them bottle up 64 oz. of fresh squeezed oj, blended with mango and spinach. Then I rode to the co-op and bought some vegan lipstick for the play. After that I rode to Flying M and drank 42 oz. of fresh squeezed oj. At flying M there were two people working there that I hadn’t met. So I introduced myself to them, their names are Anthony and Jessie.

I needed to get new clips for my backpack and the store that I knew sold them was across town. I didn’t have time to bike so I decided to ride the bus. I had about a half hour wait so I stopped in at the “Lux”, which is a sort of a vintage used clothing store. I tried on a few things, but none really fit the way I wanted them to. Before I left I introduced myself to the lady working there, her name is Michele.

I got on the bus and one of my favorite homeless people was on there. His name is Duel. He was happy to see me and talked to me the whole time about how he finds places to sleep and how he stores his stuff and how he stays warm, etc. It was a good conversation and he was so happy to have someone to talk to. I have a real soft spot in my heart for him, he is a dear person.

I got off the bus and bought my clips. It was only about 2 miles to get to my play. I had to go pee really bad on the ride. I passed by an empty lot and ran behind some bushes. Walking back to my bike I noticed pears lying on the ground under a tree. Ah ha! A pear tree. I was excited to pick some pears, but unfortunately the tree has already been picked clean. At least someone else is enjoying the fruit and it’s not just rotting ๐Ÿ™‚ I had gotten a phone call when I was on the bus from my tenants that I rent my house in Shoshone Idaho out to. They said their gas got turned off and now it is back on but the furnace is blowing out cold air. I told them they needed to re-light the pilot light. They didn’t know how to do that. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to drive the 2 hours to Shoshone over the weekend just to light the furnace and then drive 2 hours back. I called a friend of mine that lives in Shoshone, he said he wasn’t sure how to do it either but he would go over and take a look.ย  So before I got the to my play my friend called back and said that he got the furnace running again…yay. Not even a minute later a got another call from one of the Mennonites and they are going to work on helping me get my wood stove installed…yay. Then not even a minute after that I had a friend call and say she left 3 all day bus passes under my front door mat because she wasn’t going to use them…yay! I love it when things flow like that.

Tonight was opening night for our play. I wasn’t very nervous, I was sure everything would go just fine. In the dressing room everyone was spraying mass amounts of perfume and hairspray. It made me instantly feel nauseous. My nose started dripping and my sore throat came back. I felt so drained and tired.ย  Then I couldn’t find my lipstick, and I figured it must have bounced out ofย  it’s bag while I was biking. The first half of the play went good. At intermission I drank my 64 oz. of smoothie. I felt really cold and achy. I am not sick I kept telling myself. Next thing I know I was being woken up and I had fallen asleep and missed the first half of scene 2. Damn it! I almost started crying then, I felt like the other actors could have had my back and woken me up in time. Then again, it is my responsibility to make sure I get out there.

After the play there was a lady named Roxie that had been borrowing my roommates car that came and picked me up, since I neededย  the car tomorrow night. My 18 year old is going to come see my play for his birthday present! So very cool. I loaded up my bike, dropped her off at her house and drove home. I had the heater on full blast. It felt so nice to be warm.

I made it home and I am so exhausted. It is now 12:30 a.m. I am going to take a hot bath since I flipped on the hot water heater breaker this morning. I have to get up at 6 a.m. to get my boys. My nose is running, I really need to spend a day just sleeping. I think I will set Monday aside to do just that since I don’t work that day.

Good night!

Raining more tears

It was another rainy and even colder day.

I woke up at 2 in the morning freezing cold. I got up and put more blankets on my bed and finally fell back asleep around 4. At 6:30 a.m. my alarm went off. I was so tired. I got up turned off the alarm and went back to bed. My early morning job is a business that is very flexible and I knew I could make it up next week. This play I’m in and being up in the night is draining me so bad. My second job this week that I’ve had to cancel and reschedule. I feel like I’m falling apart. Regardless, I went back to bed and slept until 9 a.m.ย  I woke up with my furnace going off. I have my heat set to go off if it gets below 54 degrees. Obviously it got that cold. So there goes my $9 power bill. I was trying to make it one more month, but this cold front zapped that.

It was pouring rain when I left the house. I was so bundled up I could barely move. I rode a mile and a half to the fruit stand and bought 9 peaches. Then I rode 5 miles downtown to Jamba juice and had them bottle up 64oz. of fresh squeezed oj blended with mango. Next I went to Flying M and drank 48oz. of fresh squeezed oj. Ok…I was set on food for the day.

At Flying M a good friend of mine was there. We talked for about 20 minutes, which made me late for work. It was just so nice to sit for a while and bs. I feel like I have no free time to just chill out. I frantically rode the 3 miles to my job. I cleaned that house but was still behind schedule and late for my next job, which was 4 miles away. I cleaned that house and was running late for my private yoga session.

I was so tired and wet, I didn’t even want to do yoga. I wanted to get dry and take a nap. I couldn’t figure out how I could be so wet when I was in full rain gear. I was thinking about Victoria Arnstein’s comment on my last blog, how I was too damn busy. I knew she was right but I felt stuck with this play. On the mile and a half bike ride to yoga I started crying again. I just cried and cried. As I was biking and crying I passed a lady walking a pig on a leash. That stopped the tears real quick. I turned around and stopped to talk to her. The pig was sooo cute, his name is Napoleon and his owners name is Mattie.

After petting Napoleon briefly I was running even later for yoga. I started crying again and cried the rest of the way there. When I got there and came inside I was trying to peel of all my layers of wet clothes and still crying. I was really embarrassed because I had only met my yoga instructor Tim a couple of times before and barely knew him. This was our first private yoga session. Tim was great though. I just explained that I had been crying for two days since the rain started. I guessed that if the sky was crying than I could cry as well. Tim was so encouraging. He just shared about how cleansing the rain was and how those of us in tune with nature go through a cleansing process at the same time.ย  I just loved that.

The yoga session was perfect. Tim was in perfect harmony with where I was at. It was very mellow and meditative. When the session was over I felt so much better. Like a whole new person. I was so grateful and happy. I thanked Tim over and over. When I left I was no longer bothered by being wet and the rain…bring it on!

I rode a mile to the bus stop and got on. I had to go pick up my daughter that I hadn’t seen in three days because of play practice, and take her to voice lessons. On the bus I was sitting next to a lady. I started talking to her. Her name is Zaria and she is from Bosnia, she has lived in Boise 11 years. I drank my 64oz. of oj, mango smoothie while talking.

My daughter was waiting for the bus at her stop with her bike. I loaded her bike for her and was very happy to see my beautiful girl. We got downtown and I bought her some dinner at Flying M. Then she went to voice lessons. While she was there I went to the bank and deposited some checks and then went in search for some good quality rain gear. I wanted to stay local, so I tried a local sporting goods store, but they didn’t have much. I then went to NorthFace and they had some great really expensive rain gear that looked great on me. I didn’t want to spend that kind of money right now and wanted to wait to check out more local stores first. While out and about I ate 2 of my peaches.

After Savana’s voice lessons we rode the bus up to the theater. It was our practice night…our first show. I wasn’t sure how prepared we were, but I thought it went great and I had a lot of fun performing in front of an audience. In between scenes I ate about 6 dates.

Savana and I biked home about 3 miles. Got home around 10:30 p.m. Wrote my blog and ate some tomatillo’s. It’s now 11:30 and I’m off to bed.


Emotional detox

This morning I woke up at 7:30a.m. Felt really good. Got on-line which was a mistake. Instead of leaving the house at 8 like I wanted to do I ended up leaving the house at 9. I grabbed a big watermelon to eat for lunch.

My first job is really close. About a mile away. It was another cold and rainy day, very very rainy. I finished cleaning the house by 10:30. I was starting to get hungry since I hadn’t eaten breakfast. I had to be at my next job clear across town by 11 to stay on schedule. There was no way I was going to make it. I still had to stop at the fruit stand and get some food in me.

I hurried to the fruit stand. It seemed to be raining even harder. I had on my raincoat and my rainboots, but my pants from my knees to my lower shin were soaked. I wished I would have put on my rain pants as well. At the fruit stand I bought 7 peaches. I was thinking that I didn’t want to bike in the rain anymore. I had 3 minutes til the city bus came. I hurried and ate 3 of my peaches and loaded by bike on the bike rack. I was so glad to be on the warm dry bus ๐Ÿ™‚

Once I got downtown on the bus I still had a mile to go to get to my job. I started biking and I could barely pedal. I thought that it was me at first, that I was just not up to par. Then I realized that there was a drag of some sort on my back tire. I got off and one of my bungee cords had somehow gotten hooked around my brake cable. I fixed that and I was back to my normal pedaling power.

I got to my client around 11:30 a.m. and ate the rest of my peaches. While cleaning I heard a song on my ipod that startedย  me thinking about some really sad things that had happened in my life 7 years ago. I was overcome with intense sorrow and started crying. I spend most of that job just cleaning and crying. It felt so good to cry, I didn’t want to stop, I just wanted to let the tears flow.

My job after that was scheduled to be at 12:30p.m. I called that client and said I was running behind. Her name is Wylla and she is 86 years old.ย  Wylla is one of my dearest friends. I got to her house every Wed. and Fri. We always eat lunch together and talk about anything and everything while I clean.ย  She was fine with me coming later, she knew I was out on my bike in the rain and was very understanding.

After that job, I made it to Wylla’s at a little after 1 p.m. We talked and I ate half of my watermelon. I told her about my sadness and we talked about the healing power of tears. We also talked about forgiveness and I realized that there is someone that I am still very angry at from during that time in my life. I decided I needed to work on forgiving her and letting go of that anger.

After we ate and talked, Wylla wanted me to drive her to the store, so we did that and by the time we got back there wasn’t any time for me to clean. So I took off and made it to the bus stop just as the bus was pulling up. Whew!

I bused back across town to my last job of the day.One the bus I realized that I needed to do my introduction for the day. There was a young guy sitting a few seats up from me, so I moved up and started a conversation with him. Just asked him how he was doing, what he did for a living, etc. Lucky for me he was a very friendly, talkative guy. His name is Shane, age 26 and he is going to BSU and majoring in English. He wants to be an English teacher. Besides being a student he helps his brother out with his carpet laying business to make some extra money, but mostly he is living off his student loans.

I got off the bus. I stopped at the grocery store and bought groceries for my next clients, I had made up the list the day before. Rode about 3/4 of a mile to their house, with the groceries. Maggie my client wasn’t feeling very good. I started to make dinner when she came in and told me that she was going to go to the ER and I didn’t have to make dinner. She her and her husband left. I wasn’t too worried about her because she didn’t seem in too bad of shape. I told her to call me if it was anything serious.

When they left. I made myself a big salad with a pound of lettuce and raw tahini, lemon dressing as well as bottled up 50oz. of fresh squeezed oj, blended with peaches and lettuce. The salad tasted great, but as soon as I was finished I felt my shoulders tighten up and my mind clouded over. I knew that my body was needing a break from overt fats for a while, but I had been ignoring it. I think with the emotional detox I had gone through earlier in the day, the fats from the tahini were interfering with my flow and my body instantly reacted.I know when my mind gets like that the voices could start coming. I was almost in a panic hoping that would not happen.

I folded the laundry and took off for play practice. The bike ride was horrible, my mind was whispering..the voices were there but very quite. I just pedaled as hard as I could, trying to get the fats to move through my system so my mind would clear up again. My body was aching and aching. I just wanted to go home and go to bed until I felt better. Luckily play practice was short. While I was there I drank my smoothies and ate about 6 dates. I felt quite a bit better after that and my mind cleared. Yay!

The ride home was freezing cold. I was jumping up and down at stop lights to try to stay warm. I guess it’s time to start getting my wool out.

It’s 10:30p.m. and time for bed ๐Ÿ™‚



Some days are just those kinds of days

I don’t really want to write about today. It was not a fun happy day.

It was a cold and rainy day.

I got up at 3 a.m. got ready, made some fresh squeezed oj blended with peaches. 50oz. worth. Left at a little after 4 a.m. to go to the theater where they were doing a live news broadcast on the Today show with the weather man. I did not want to be on the news and I did not want to go. I wanted to go back to bed. So I get there and every five minutes we would get on stage and do a part of the play..which is “The Rocky Horror Show”…for a couple of minutes. Then wait another five minutes and do it all over again. I drank my peach oj somewhere in one of the break times.ย  After about 2 hours of this…I was done. I just changed out of my costume and told the director I had to leave.

I came home, did a little bit on the computer. Canceled my physical therapy appointment for 9 a.m., which I really needed to go to for my shoulder, but I needed sleep more. So I went back to bed at about 8 p.m. I woke up at 11:30 a.m. to my phone ringing. I think it was my mom, but I don’t remember. I still felt so incredibly tired. I called my client that I had scheduled for 12:30 p.m. and asked if I could come next week. They said that would work out even better, and I was relieved. I rarely call in on my clients, it’s just not something I do.

I was thinking of going back to sleep. I couldn’t believe how exhausted I felt. I didn’t realize that I had been that tired. Instead of going back to sleep, I got up and decided a hot bath was a good idea. I flipped on the hot water heater. I had an hour to waste before I would have enough hot water for a bath, so I juiced a bunch of grapes that needed to be used up. I blended that juice with some peaches. Then I juiced some cucumbers and apples. I bottled everything up, it was a lot. 175oz. worth. Then I made a salad with a pound of mixed greens and my raw tahini lemon dressing, ate that right up. It was so yummy!

I called Ron and talked to him while I soaked in the hot bath. It was sooo nice. I love taking baths on cold rainy days. After my bath, I grabbed all my juices and headed off to my next job. I was still feeling really tired and drained, but I wanted to make sure I made it to this job. They are older people and I make them dinner three days a week as well as do all their laundry and clean their house. The lady is usually there when I get there and she is so wonderful. She was my counselor all through my 20’s, she has since retired and has a hard time getting out much. She helped me through a lot of stuff and now I get to help her ๐Ÿ™‚ We have great times together. She gets really lonely being at home by herself so much, so I am the highlight of her day. I tell her everything I have been up to and she keeps me in line.

Anyway, I would love to cook them all vegan food, but they want me to make them food with meat and dairy. So I do, but I make lots of salads for them and add in a lot of veggies in all their meals. Today I made a turkey, rice soup with carrots and a bunch of veggies. I also made a smoothie for the lady to have for lunch the next day…it was fresh squeezed oj, blended with mango’s. Besides cooking, I changed the sheets on the bed, did laundry, cleaned the bathrooms and made up a grocery list for me to do their shopping before I come to their house tomorrow. I drank 75oz. of the grape juice peach smoothie while I was there.

My tummy kind of hurt a little when I left and I was wondering if it was the grape juice. I still felt tired and had a strong head wind on my bike. It seemed like it took forever to get to play practice. I was pissed off and cranky the whole ride, with feeling tired, my tummy ache and the head wind, plus it was pouring down rain. I just wanted to go home and go back to bed. I realized halfway through the ride that I wasn’t smiling at people like I usually do. I decided I needed to smile. So I forced a big smile…and it’s amazing how that works, but I started to feel a little bit better. I felt better until I had to climb a hill, it is hard to exert myself when my tummy hurts. I decided I would take my anger out on the climb. So I hit the hill hard, pedaling as hard as I could, every pedal I just shot the anger I was feeling right down out of my body and onto the pavement. I don’t know if it helped much because I didn’t feel much better when I got to the top. I was pretty winded.

I finally made it to practice and had about 2 minutes to get dressed. I frantically got into costume and barely made it in time.

When I had a free minute I went outside to get my bike and bring it inside so it wouldn’t get rained on anymore.ย  I saw the sun shining and there was a beautiful sunset peeking through the clouds. Just seeing the sun made me feel almost elated. I felt happy again! The rest of play practice went great. The other actors are such wonderful people and so much fun to be around. I realized during practice that I hadn’t introduced myself to anyone new that day. Oh no! Luckily there happened to be someone I didn’t know there helping out with make up. I promptly went up to her and introduced myself. Her name is Jess. Yay! I got in my introduction.

I drank my cucumber. apple juice while I was there. Finishing off all my bottled juices that I had made ๐Ÿ™‚

It was a great ride home after practice. Ron called and we talked for a short time. I wrote my blog. Now I am off to bed…and it is 11:45 p.m.


2 more introductions.

Monday I had a partial day off. I woke up around 6a.m., crawled in bed with my amazing roommate Steve and snuggled for a few minutes before getting up. This is a little morning routine between us. Nothing sexual, just some good quality snuggle time ๐Ÿ™‚ Steve is the best roommate ever. At 6:30 I officially got up. Woke up Savana and made her breakfast. Toast, fresh squeezed oj and applesauce. Turned on her favorite music for her while she got ready for school…right now she loves Evanescence.

After she left for school I ate a huge santa claus melon. It was full of deliciousness. I was supposed to meet my sister around 11 to do a photo shoot, but she canceled so around 9 I decided I needed a morning nap. One of my favorite things are morning naps. I just rarely have time to take them.

It was a great nap. The sun was shining in the window on me and I was like one of my cats, curled up purring in the warmth. I woke up around 12. Got some things done around the house. I had plans to meet a friend at 2, she wanted to go to the fruitstand with me so I could show her how to pick out ripe fruit. Around 1 she canceled, so I had more free time until 3 when I needed to leave for work.

I decided this was a great time to get some work done in the garden. My garden makes me so happy. I just love it. There was a tiny bit that needed harvested, a few tomatoes that I ate while harvesting them and just one zucchini. I pulled up some of my dead sunflowers and did a little bit of weed management. It was another beautiful sunny warm day. Boise gets so much sun and I am a total sun worshiper. I love the sunshine.

I came inside and made up a smoothie of peaches blended up with fresh squeezed oj, about 64oz. worth. I loaded that up on my bike along with a pound of mixed greens, raw tahini and a lemon. My next job was a new one. I had seen a note up at the co-op last week. It was someone asking for help in learning how to cook vegan food, learn juicing, etc, he wasn’t offering to pay much but I felt like I wanted to help him out with this. Even though I didn’t really have much time to fit more work into my schedule, I get excited when I see people striving to gain health through changing to a plant based diet.

One the way to my job, I was a little bit ahead of schedule so I was moseying along on my bike, just looking around. When passing the bike shop I remembered I needed to get a new tail light for Savana’s bike. I stopped in and there was a new guy working there. Yay! A chance to introduce myself. So I met Ralph and he helped me pick out a tail light that would work the best.

I got to my new job right on time. I could immediately tell as soon as the guy opened the door that he was sick. His energy was so low, it was barely ignited. He told me he had gotten some sort of food poisoning and wouldn’t be able to work with me in the kitchen, but wanted me to make up a bunch of green juice for him. I got started right away. Started juicing, made myself a salad with the lettuce I brought and ate it with a raw tahini, lemon dressing. He also wanted me to steam some veggies for him. It took me about an hour and a half to get it all done.

That left me some free time. So I went to the co-op and got a few things. Moseyed on over to the Flying M to see if there was any fresh squeezed oj left from the morning. I was in luck, there were two left…28oz. worth. The guy that rang me up I had not met before, so I got in another introduction, though I forgot his name…I will have to ask again ๐Ÿ™‚

Still ahead of schedule. I took my time getting to play practice. Stopped at the Asian market on the way and picked up some young coconuts. At play practice we were doing a quick run through, since we were expected to be back at 4:30a.m. They are doing a news broadcast of the “Rocky Horror Show” and that happened to be the time that we were supposed to do it. Oh yay! I tried getting out of it, but the director told me it was required. I drank my peach oj smoothies at practice and made it home at around 9:30p.m. I ate about 6 dates. Talked to Ron briefly on the phone and went straight to bed.


Yesterday was a blissful, fun day.

I woke up. Grabbed a case of grapes and 4 melons that I had bought the day before. Loaded everything up on my bike and took off. I had to get the the Mennonite Church and clean it before 9:30. I made it there and finished cleaning just as people were starting to show up. I quickly ate a huge crenshaw melon…it was so perfectly ripe and juicy…I get excited just thinking about it. Since I was there I decided to join my Mennonite friends in the Adult Ed. class. We talked about serenity. I was able to share about some things I was working on…such as…I am trying to figure out how when I happen to be around chaos and negative energy, how to keep my positive energy and not take on the negativity. Like what I experienced as my mom’s the other day. I know that people sending out that kind of energy need to be shown love and kindness more than anyone else. I don’t know how to show them that love and kindness and I want to learn. I just love being with the Mennonites. They were so helpful and basically I learned that it is all about practice. I just need to keep practicing ๐Ÿ™‚ How wonderful is that?

After church there was a potluck. There were a lot of people there because it was a joint worship Sunday where all the Mennonite churches in the valley met at one place. Great opportunity to get in my introduction in for the day. Which I promptly did, I met a man holding a very little baby. His name is Jeremy and I forgot the babies name. At the potluck I was not even tempted by all the food. I just filled up a plate as high as I could with grapes, sat down and started eating. Had great food and conversation the whole meal, met two more people Duane and I can’t remember his wife’s name. Since everyone is used to me eating mass amounts of fruit..I didn’t even have to explain my food choices ๐Ÿ™‚

After the potluck I rode to Jamba Juice and met my friend Will. We had plans to go on a hike up to a plateau called Tablerock. I got my favorite smoothie bottled up at Jamba Juice…fresh squeezed oj blended with mango. Then Will and I took off on our adventure. It was a really fun hike. At the top I introduced myself to two more people. Jonathan and Josh, they caught my attention because they were eating apples. I got them on video.. here is a linkย  Hike to Tablerock . I drank my smoothie and we hiked back down.

After the hike I rode across town to a friends birthday party. This particular friend is hard for me to be around. His energy is very chaotic and confusing to me. I decided this would be a chance to practice my energy work. So I showed up, I was early and the first one there. Immediately I could sense his energy and I felt extremely tired. I just wanted to turn around and head back out of the door and start running. I knew that would be very hurtful to him though and I didn’t run. I stayed. He went to take a shower and I grabbed a melon, went out back and walked around, peacefully eating. I was almost done eating when my friend came out back and asked if I would do him a favor. I don’t like being asked to do favors and was instantly irritated and the tiredness came over me again. I just wanted to lay down and go to sleep. He asked me if I would pick some tomatoes out of his garden. I didn’t want to…that was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to get the hell out of there. Instead I picked tomatoes for him. I brought them in and told him I had to leave. He seemed a little upset that I was leaving, so I explained that I had to go through my e-mails and pick up my daughter. Just then the doorbell rang and a bunch of people showed up. People that knew me, but I didn’t know them. They said they were friends with my sister and her husband. I started talking to them. More people to introduce myself to! So I met Jeff, Fawn, Jason and Perry (sp?).ย  Other people showed up as well and I introduced myself to them, but I forgot their names. Perry and I bonded and somehow we got to talking about food, then other people joined in and I got the usual questions about where I get my protein, etc. I made sure to keep it all positive, the last thing I wanted was to get into an argument about food. I just smiled and was accepting of how other people said they wanted to eat. By that time I was cutting it close on the time to pick up my daughter. So I said my goodbyes and rode home.

I made it home and a little while later Savana’s dad dropped her off and she got ready for bed. After she was in a bed I got a phone call from my friend Ron in NY. We talked for about an hour, great fun conversation. Making plans for him to come visit…fun stuff. I made a big salad while talking to him. A pound of mixed greens, with raw tahini lemon dressing on it. Yummy! Ate that, answered my e-mails and off to bed ๐Ÿ™‚





It was a very interesting day today. So many emotions.

The day started out good. The day before I had borrowed my roommates car and drove to Caldwell…about 30 miles from Boise… to go to my Grandpa’s 83rd birthday party. After the party I stayed the night at my mom’s since she lives in Caldwell. I love staying at my mom’s, I always take a nice hot bath before bed at her house and she has a lot of fuzzy warm blankets to snuggle up in. The next morning I was so glad that I had the day off work.There were a few things I wanted to get done. I wanted to make up some flyers and business cards for weight loss coaching and print them out, which is part of why I was at my mom’s..to use her printer, as well as spend some time with her. The other thing I wanted to get done was to get my web site going.

My mom was running around stressed out about things that didn’t need to be stressed about. I wasn’t sure how to help her or how to show her how to get into a better state of mind. She started accusing me and my daughter Savana of taking her stuff and not putting it back. We hadn’t touched any of the things she was talking about and I was starting to get mad. I didn’t want to join in or be a part of her frustration. I couldn’t figure out how to stay in my happy zone with all this chaos going on around me. Then my mom sprayed perfume in the bathroom where I was standing. I can’t stand perfume. It immediately makes me feel like throwing up and gives me a headache. I covered my nose and mouth, left the bathroom, went outside and started crying. I’ve been working on not letting other peoples negative energy enter into my energy, but I can’t seem to figure out how to do that. I told Savana that we needed to leave. That I felt sick and things were too chaotic. A few minutes later my mom came outside and apologized. I just sat and focused on breathing…a half hour later the headache started to clear up and the nausea faded. Things seemed to be flowing in a more positive direction. So I told Savana I felt better and that we could stay. My mom left to do some things. I made a big smoothie with fresh squeezed oj blended with mango’s. Then I sat down and I worked on my flyers and business cards. The guy I hired to help me with my web site sent me a message that is was up and running. I was pretty stoked about that!

A few hours later my mom came back and it was time for me to head over to another town another 30 miles away and meet a lady that I had talked to on-line, but wanted to meet in person. She had recently learned about raw food and tried it to lose weight. She lost some weight and gained so much more. She found a whole new awareness…which is what happens when you eat fresh fruits and vegetables ๐Ÿ™‚ She was struggling in some areas and I wanted to be able to talk to her in person, to walk her through some steps that might be able to help her out. It was the best time talking and hanging out with her. I had stopped at a fruit stand on the way and bought a massive amount of melons, grapes and peaches. I was starving when I got there since I had only had the smoothie earlier. I got out my case of peaches and we had a little bit of a peach feast, while we talked. Fun stuff! By the time I had to leave, we had fully bonded and I just love that woman dearly!

On the way home I stopped in another little town called New Plymouth where my biological dad and his wife live. I had called earlier and they said I was more than welcome to stop by. As a child, when my mom and biological dad divorced…a year later my mom remarried and her husband adopted me…so I grew up with a different dad, Dennis…and he just passed away in March, and he was a wonderful dad. I miss him a lot. So anyway…I still keep in contact with my biological dad and really enjoy him and his wife. They are good people. I stayed at their place for about an hour, just bs-ing and catching up on each others lives. I sure do love the both of them. After that, it took an hour to drive back to Boise. I dropped Savana off and her dad’s and came home. Ate a whole lot of dates and wrote my blog.

Another day of joys and sorrows. Great experiences and good conversation. Love, frustration, sadness and anger. It is so great to be alive!