Woke up at 2:30a.m. Read until I was able to fall back asleep. Woke up again at 7a.m. I thought I would be really sore from the day before, which I was sore, but not as much as I thought. My knees were really achy and that was about it.
After breakfast I felt extremely tired and exhausted. I realized that I had gotten sunburned again while I was out crawling my way home the day before. One of the ladies with a room said I could lie down on her bed. I fell asleep for about an hour. I stayed in bed resting and wrote my blog. I started messing around with my website, trying to change the title. I changed some things with the url and was immediately taken out and asked to put in my user name and password for access. I typed those in and was told it didn’t recognize me. I tried every name and password I’d ever used and I still wasn’t allowed access. I was getting very frustrated.
In the mean time I got a skype call from my friend Robert in Norway. I met him at the fruit festival last year. We had a really nice talk. He is not sure if he can make the festival this year or not. I hope he can, it would be great to see him again.
LUNCH: banana/mango smoothie, banana, celery and lettuce
After lunch I came back in the room and lied down on the bed some more. I still felt very tired and weak.
I spent a few more hours trying to figure out how to get access to my website. I e-mailed the person who set it up and he told me he couldn’t get access either. So I figured it was up to me to solve the problem. I read through pages and pages of wordpress help files that I didn’t understand a word of. I kept trying and trying until it was time for dinner. Right before dinner the lady who was sharing her bed with me came in and was talking to me. I was feeling really sad and I didn’t know why. She sat and talked with me for a few minutes. I was sharing how scared and alone I had felt the day before helpless out in the sun getting sunburned. She pointed out that maybe it had triggered memories from when I was a baby, alone, helpless and getting my leg burned with hot water. I just started crying. This was deep stuff and I didn’t want to go there. I wanted to eat some cooked carbs or fats to numb the pain I was feeling. There wasn’t that option here, I was bare and had no choice but to feel those emotions. I cried for a while and my friend crawled up next to me and held me while I let it all out.
DINNER: OJ/marion berry juice; Mango, celery, OJ, cucumber soup; kale wraps with a dipping sauce.
Dinner was really good and satisfying. I had to leave a little early to do my rescheduled phone consult. The phone consult went wonderfully. I am so proud of that client, she is determined at all costs to become healthy and heal her body.
When the consult was over I called my son Scott. We had a really good talk. Then I caught up on my blog. Tried to access my website again until 8:30p.m. I was too tired to try anymore so I sent the guy that set up my website a giving up message. I figured if I couldn’t access the website and he couldn’t access the website…that make it pretty much inaccessible.
I soaked in the hot tub for a few minutes, read a little to calm my mind and went to sleep around 9:30p.m.
Woke up in the middle of the night again and read for a couple of hours. I don’t know what my deal is with not sleeping all night. This rarely happens to be back home.
I got up again at 7a.m. Soaked in the hot tub and went to the great room. I checked my e-mail first to see if there was any progress on my website. I had a message from my website guy and he said he figured out how to fix it. I was really happy about that!
After breakfast I went and lied down in the room I was able to use the day before. I was still not feeling like I had very much energy.
I posted a new recipe page on my website and updated my blog. Then I read for a while and took a half hour nap. I wanted to sleep longer but I had to get up to do lunch prep.
Lunch prep went well. Everyone thought we were behind and weren’t going to be done on time, but we all hurried along and finished right on time.
LUNCH: banana/mango smoothie, bananas, celery and lettuce
When lunch was over I called my mom. She said that she had found some great renters for my rental house and they were going to move in on Feb. 15th. They paid their deposit, the rest of Feb. and March rent. She also said they had wonderful references and were very clean neat people. I was so glad to hear all of that! That made one less thing to deal with when I got home. I knew everything was going to work out.
I worked on my website for a while, trying to figure out how to make different categories to put recipes in. I couldn’t figure it out, but I learned a lot on how to change things on my website.
I was feeling really sad again. I just wanted to crawl into a hole. Processing all these emotions was getting to be too intense for me. If only I could run away from myself or find a way to escape. Just make it stop!! I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. I wasn’t strong enough.
During the afternoon meeting I was asked how this diet had changed my life. I shared all the emotions that were coming out and how eating this way made this release possible. There were no escapes, no drugs, no eating numbing foods. Just bare exposure.
DINNER: OJ blended with mango; thai soup; India salad.
All through dinner I cried. I was terribly embarrassed about it, but I couldn’t make it stop. I was given many hugs and shown lots of love. I wish I knew of a way to pull myself out of this funk I’m in. Can’t I get a break from this emotional cleanse?
I managed to make it through dinner, when it was over I worked on my website a while more. Soaked in the hot tub, read and read and read. I decided that reading was my only escape right now, so that’s what I was going to do until I felt better. At 10:30p.m. I finished my book and I fell asleep.