Kindness with boundaries

I don’t like my neighbor next door to me. I can’t stand the guy. He can appear nice but then he gets to drinking and turns into a complete ass. I was nice to him for a couple years after I moved in here. There was a couple of instances where he would be drunk and go off on me. One time he told me that he was going to poison my garden. Another time he went off on my boyfriend at the time when I had a fire pit in the yard about the smoke getting in his house. When I got home from work and heard about it, I went over to his house and told him that I didn’t want him to go into any more tyrants on me or my family. I said that if he had a problem he could come over and talk to us in a kind manner.

That didn’t work because the next outburst was on my daughter. He saw her outside and told her that if her cat goes in his yard again he was going to kill it. She came inside very upset and got me. I went outside to talk to the guy and he was in a complete out of control rage. I told him that he was upsetting a little girl and he needed to calm down and knock it off or I would call the police. He didn’t calm down, instead he said he didn’t care about my daughter and he was going to kill all the cats in the neighborhood, the he started yelling at the neighbor kids and telling them he was going to kill their dog.

I called the police. They came and he went into a rage on them. They hauled him in and since they found marijuana in his house they charged him with that as well. I got a call the next day from someone from the courts saying that the judge gave him an automatic no contact order ย because of his past history of violence and that he was to stay 20 feet from me and my family. Also if he said one word to me I was to immediately call the police and he would get an automatic 3 years in jail. The no contact order was for 1 year.He was very good about honoring the order. I didn’t hear one word from him, which was fantastic!

That was 3 years ago. This summer he started waving at me when I would ride by, which he can since the order has been off for 2 years. I’ve been ignoring him and not waving back. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with this situation. He is obviously trying to make peace, but I don’t trust him at all. I don’t want him back in my life, on the other hand I don’t like ignoring people and acting like a bitch.

So the other night I figured out a plan. There is no reason I cannot make peace and wave back or even say hi back to him. Though, I will not initiate conversation and the second he starts into one of his tyrants I will call the police. I can be kind with very strict boundaries. I will not let him near my daughter or into my yard, but I don’t have to be cruel. This is a great opportunity for me to be able to practice kindness with boundaries.


Published byCrazybananalady

I am a transformational coach. I help people find the truth inside of themselves to live a peaceful and content life.


  • Crystal N

    October 3, 2012 at 2:52 pm Reply

    Hi Victoria ๐Ÿ™‚ I think initially calling the police resulting in his arrest might have been the best thing for him. Dealing w/angry alcoholics most of my life I’ve come to conclude all that anger stems from something much deeper that he apparently never got help for. Hopefully he got some sort of counseling during the years after and is trying to make some sort of amends to you for his prior behavior. Even though I have a hard time believing it myself, people can and do change. Just trust your instincts and do what’s in your heart. Take it easy.

    P.S. My husband and I have been raw for 3 weeks and I’ve lost about 12 pds. – no cravings! Thanks for sharing your story and inspiring us ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Vibrant Victoria

      October 4, 2012 at 9:58 am Reply

      Congrats Crystal on your journey to health! Keep me posted ๐Ÿ™‚
      Thank you for your comment. I haven’t seen my neighbor since I wrote this but I’ll see how it goes. His issues are way deep and I do hope he did get help.

  • Chuck Riggs

    October 7, 2012 at 10:49 am Reply

    Hey Vic,
    Sorry that you’re having problems with your neighbor. Be careful, people that talk about being cruel to animals are potentially dangerous people… I think you’re right, to just ignore him.
    I’ve been struggling with the raw food thing for several years, getting on it, loosing a bunch of weight, then getting off and going back to the addictive processed foods.
    This time I started back in March 29 2012, and I got off for exactly 3 weeks, and I felt so bad, that I went back raw again. Since March I’ve lost 63.4 pounds. But the weight loss is not why I’m staying raw. It’s because I feel so much better when I’m raw than when I’m not.
    I struggle even further with 811, because of my diabetes. I’ve learned I can do 811 only if I have many small amounts of food all day long. So I rarely go less than 2.5 to 3 hours without eating.
    That also seemed to increase my metabolism.

    I do want to ask you this. I log everything I eat into a nutritional site, and I’m having problems getting enough calcium, any suggestions?

    Thanks for being you… ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Vibrant Victoria

      October 7, 2012 at 1:10 pm Reply

      Hi Chuck,
      Thank you for the comment! As for calcium. First of all the charts are made for the typical american eating a typical american diet. They are eating and drinking a lot of dairy and milk which actually strip calcium from your bones because they are so acidic. The less acidic your diet the less you need to worry about calcium since calcium is used to alkalize your body. On the other hand it is important to eat calcium and all fruits and vegetables have calcium. The highest in calcium by far are dark leafy greens. Oranges also have a lot. I usually run around 50% of my “needed” calcium when I calculate my nutrients through cron-o-meter.
      Great job on taking charge of your health! I am so very happy for you ๐Ÿ™‚
      Big hugs,

  • Francisco Navarro

    October 23, 2012 at 4:51 am Reply

    Concerning Kindness.
    I’ve learned that when we wrong somebody, if we really want to make peace and understand what we have done, we start by offering an apology. If the guy wants to talk and you feel unconfortable being rude, I’d say make small talk. Me? I’ll never trust him much unless he’s learned we adults make mistakes and and when we do, we have to be mature enough to own those mistakes up. If he’s not willing to offer an apology, he has not learned that. That’s my two cents.
    You’ve done what I would have done in your place.
    Nothing but admiration for you ladies.

    • Vibrant Victoria

      October 23, 2012 at 2:12 pm Reply

      Thank you so very much Francisco! I love your input ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Nick Kennedy

    November 7, 2012 at 2:08 am Reply

    Hi Victoria, there are many crazies in the city, and that is why I would like to live in the woods ala Ringing Cedars books. We were not meant to live like this cramped on top of each other. I think you handled it well tho! Too bad this guy is right close to you!

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