Dealing with anger and grief

October 21st, 2011

Woke up at 7 a.m. Got Savana up and made her breakfast, oatmeal and applesauce. Packed her a lunch, since Friday is bring your own lunch day. Then after she left for the bus I crawled back into bed and slept for another couple of hours. Savana would be going to her dad’s after school for the weekend.

I woke up again a little before 11 a.m. and I had to leave for work at noon. I got ready to go and Anthony made me a 14 banana 2 mango smoothie and bottled it up for me to take, 80 oz. worth. I left and was going to try to speed ride and see how fast I could make it the 10 miles across town to Wylla’s house. When I started down the road the bus was pulling up. So I quickly changed my mind and hopped on the bus.

On the bus I drank 40 oz. of my smoothie. Once I was downtown I rode as fast as I could the last 5 miles to Wylla’s. At Wylla’s we had lunch together as always. I drank the other 40 oz. of my smoothie. It was Wylla’s birthday, she is 87. Yay Wylla!!! We talked as always and had fun laughing and carrying on. She is so freaking wonderful! I just love her.

After Wylla’s, I took her glass bottles to the glass recycling. Then went to a fruit stand on that side of town, a mile bike ride and at the fruit stand I bought 2 watermelon. They had hardly any watermelon left. I am thinking watermelon season might be ending….ahhhh…I’m not ready for all the local fruit to be gone…peaches are already over and now watermelon…noooo! At the fruit stand I introduced myself to the cashier. His name is Justin.

I left the fruit stand and rode 4 miles to a grocery store called Cash and Carry. There I bought 2 lbs. of organic mixed greens and a case of oranges. With my bike loaded up with 2 watermelon, my greens and a case of oranges I rode 5 miles to my house. I dropped off all the food and took off again to go to my last job, Bob and Maggie.

Maggie wanted me to get some things for her at the store. So I rode 2 miles to Albertsons and bought her groceries and me a lb. of organic mixed greens. Then rode a mile to her house. I made Maggie and Bob dinner, ate my lb. of greens with tahini/lemon dressing and cleaned the house up. I rode a mile home and arrived around 6 p.m.

At home Anthony was cooking some brown rice. I decided I wanted some as well. We both ate some and it was interesting how both of our energies changed. Our vibrant glow was gone and we were getting crabby with each other. My sinuses were burning and I didn’t feel so hot.

I called my Uncle whose son had just died and we talking for a while. It is such a sad situation. My cousin was 29 and they think he died from a cocaine overdose at a party in Atlantic City, NJ, but no one knows for sure until the reports come back. My Uncle is having a hard time and there is a lot of grieving that is being processed.

I went to bed shortly after that. My roommate was staying at his girlfriends for the night and said we could expand our sleeping arrangements to include his room. As I much fun as it is to snuggle between two guys, I was happy to have more space. I went into my roommates room and was reading, trying to calm my mind from thinking about my cousin. I was very cozy and relaxed when my phone rang and it was the lady that has been borrowing my roommates car. I had forgotten I was going to get the car from her.

She brought the car over and then drove myself and Anthony back to her house. Anthony just wanted to come along for the ride and I’m glad he did, I really enjoy his company. On the ride to the lady’s house I noticed the gas tank was empty and hadn’t been filled. Every time I have given the car back to her I have made sure there is plenty of gas in it and every time I have gotten it back with no gas put in it. I had talked to her briefly about this before, but obviously wasn’t clear enough. So I mentioned that I wasn’t going to pay for her gas as well as my own. She said she didn’t mean for that to happen, but didn’t have any money…which seems to be an ongoing problem. I was really angry and pissed off about being used in this way. Then she said she needed the car next weekend, which I then felt like she was just taking over my roommates car.

After she got dropped off at her house, I talked to Anthony about how I was feeling on the drive home. He had noticed the behavior in her as well and I figured I would just give the car back to her with an empty tank and stop supporting her driving habits.

Back at home Anthony and “Joe” started watching a movie on the laptop. I ate about 8 dates. I was exhausted and went to bed. it took me a while to fall asleep. I was so angry still and I kept coughing from nasal drip in my throat from the rice, then I was pissed off about eating the rice.  Finally I fell asleep, it was around midnight.

Published byCrazybananalady

I am a transformational coach. I help people find the truth inside of themselves to live a peaceful and content life.

No Comments

Post a Comment