23 years of carrying anger….time to shed that weight.

October 10th, 2011

Slept in today. It was so very nice after going non stop for a couple of weeks. Got up at 9 a.m. Since I didn’t work today I was going to get some things done around the house that I have been wanting to do for a long time.

Savana woke up at 11. I made her oatmeal and applesauce for breakfast. I had a durian. Savana went into her room and started making a home made photo album. She is so good at finding fun creative things to do all on her own. I think that is just wonderful.

I re-potted one of my carnivorous plants. Put up some shelves. Cleaned out my kitchen cupboards and organized them. Cleaned out a big wooden chest that I keep scrap material in. I also wrote a hand written letter to a friend.

For lunch I made Savana some potatoes and I had half a watermelon.

After lunch I wanted to do some laundry. There was some bedding I needed to wash and I didn’t want to wash it by hand. I usually use the neighbors washing machine across the street if I don’t wash by hand and give him a couple bucks for it. He was in the middle of doing a load. So I went down to the trailer on the corner to ask the lady there if I could use her washer. She was happy to share. One thing I’ve come to learn in my 4 years of living in this trailer court, that living among people who are dirt poor, there are some that are willing to share the little bit they do have. I stayed while the clothes were washing and talked to her. I had been wondering how she was doing anyway and this was a great way to catch up. A couple of years ago she had a boyfriend that was much younger than her and he was very abusive. One day when he was beating on her, she ran out her door and down the street. This guy chased her down and started hitting her in the middle of the street. I was at work when this happened, which is good or I would have flipped out…baseball bat in hand. Another lady that lived in the park called the cops and went out and pulled him off of her. He went to jail and was not allowed to come within a football field of the lady he beat up. As soon as he got out of jail he was back. Thankfully she called the police right away and now he can’t come in contact with her until August of 2013.

I couple of months ago I saw the abusive guy downtown. I was talking to one of my homeless friends Ronnie when two guys walked up. Ronnie told me these were his new friends. I looked over and one of them was that guy. He looked straight at me and said “you still living in the same place?”. He had the darkest, coldest energy I have ever felt. I told Ronnie I had to go and just left. I was not in a safe place and I could feel it. I wonder how someone gets to be that evil…they had to have had horrible things happen to them. How does someone learn to feel love and compassion for someone like that? I’m not saying to put yourself in a dangerous situation, but learning to feel love and compassion for someone while knowing you can’t be around them. I still have so much anger toward one of my step dad’s that beat the hell out of me when I was 16. I guess it’s time to work on forgiving him and letting go of that anger I’ve been carrying around for a lot of years, 23 years to be exact. I had forgot I was carrying that anger until now. Ahh…wake up call 🙂

So anyway, the lady on the corner is doing great. She is going to school and keeping busy. We had a fun chat. I gave her a couple of dollars for letting me use her washer. I walked back home and was hanging my clothes on the line when it started to sprinkle a little bit of rain. I didn’t need any of the clothes right away, so I didn’t mind them getting rained on. I actually like it because then when they do dry they smell like rain 🙂 Just after I came back inside it started pouring down hard. I was so glad to be inside, cozy and warm and not having to go to work. There were some things in the garden that I wanted to get done but I figured it could wait until my next day off.

At 6 p.m. I was meeting a woman that my roommate had said could use his car for the week. I said I would take the car to her. I wanted to run a couple of errands so I left at a little before 5 with Savana. We stopped at the costume shop and Savana got some things for her Halloween costume. I introduced myself to the lady helping us, she seemed like a very happy bouncy person and her name is Alex. We then went to the co-op and I returned hair dye that Savana changed her mind about. I wanted to get a good rain jacket before I had to go to work the next day and I wanted to support local businesses. We drove up to “Benchmark” to check out their rain jackets. They had some good ones that I liked but I wanted to check out one more place. So we drove to “Idaho Mountain Touring” and that was the where I decided to spend my money. I am very very picky about how I spend my money. I want as much of it as possible to stay local. I can’t bear to think of my hard earned dollar going into the pocket of some corporate CEO. I really like the rain jacket I got, it fits really good and I look sexy in it. I want to look sexy year round. I am tired of looking frumpy in the cold and rain. I want to show off my curves…ha!

I made it right on time at 6 to give the woman my roommates car. I drove us to my house first, she seemed to have had a bad day. Her energy was very chaotic, I practiced refocusing her and asked her about the classes  she is taking at college. She started talking about a very interesting class about Islam and Muslim history. The class sounds fascinating and she really enjoyed talking about it and seemed to have calmed down by the time we got to my house. Off she went with the car and I was glad to be rid of it. Pampering time for me was starting to turn into plain old laziness and I wanted to quit relying on the car and get back to my bike.

For dinner I made Savana some plain brown rice and I decided that I could have some as well, instead of making a salad or having some fruit..which I have plenty of in the house. Not a good decision! I had a stomach ache and slight headache for the rest of the night. I woke up in the night several times with my stomach hurting. Ok body! I’m sorry!

Published byCrazybananalady

I am a transformational coach. I help people find the truth inside of themselves to live a peaceful and content life.

4 Comments

  • DADDY

    October 11, 2011 at 4:20 pm Reply

    SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH THAT NASTY RICE THAT STICKS TO YOU!!! FOR SHAME YOUNG LADY! FRUIT……… FRUIT………. FRUIT….. SAY IT WITH ME! JK JK JUST DONT RESORT TO CHICKEN! LOL THATS IN THE PAST NOW.
    BY THE WAY, IM LOVING THESE PRUNE PLUMS. THEY ARE NOT PRUNES…. BUT SOOO GOOD.

    NICE READ THO. I ONCE GOT IN THE MIDDLE OF A DISPUTE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN. I WAS MATTRESS SHOPPING AND I WAS DRIVING BY LOOKING FOR A CERTAIN MATTRESS STORE AND I SAW A DUDE BEATING ON A WOMAN, SO INSTANTLY MAD I JUMPED OUT MY CAR (AFTER PARKING IT) AND RAN TO THE LADIES SIDE…. GOT IN THE GUYS FACE AND TOLD HIM TO FUCKIN RELAX, MINDFULL THAT IM ON PROBATION AND COULDNT HIT THIS GUY WITHOUT SEEING JAIL FOR A MONTH (GREAT TIME FOR A WATER FAST THO). ANYWAY THE GIRL GOT MAD AT ME!!! SHE WAS LIKE “THATS MY MAN, ILL CALL THE COPS IF YOU HIT HIM!!”

    I BELIEVE SOME WOMAN STAY WITH GUYS LIKE THIS CUZ THEY OFFER FOOD AND SHELTER…. ITS A SHAME. MAKES ME SAD

    • Vibrant Victoria

      October 12, 2011 at 12:25 am Reply

      A lot of women do stay with abusive men…so many many reasons. I was really glad my neighbor lady did the right thing and got away from this guy. I saw him again today when I was biking downtown. He was standing on a corner and he saw me and started yelling at me to come over and talk to him. I just kept on riding.

      • Vibrant Victoria

        October 13, 2011 at 12:43 am Reply

        I just noticed you posted as Daddy. Omg…sooo funny.

  • posTal rates

    October 13, 2011 at 12:34 am Reply

    Grapes…a cup of peaches and bottled water then BED!!

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